Last time I checked, masochism and sadism were labeled as "mental disorders" so looking up research may prove to be less than useful.

I don't have an abusive history, though I do wonder if my japanese background has any significant impact on my submissive nature. In the households I gew up in, both in my parents, grandparents, and otherwise - you were respectful, you offered to help, and I did what I could to keep others happy. My mother was a dominant figure (shes hispanic), and my dad (he's japanese) seems attracted to dominant women. When I look at it from all aspects of his personality I am very much my father's daughter.

I've always found great happiness in giving to others - friends, family, or otherwise - I give because it brings me fullfillment and I have always had that trait. I've always enjoyed servitude. Now when it comes to masochism it is not so much the pain that gives me pleasure so much as everything else. It is my way of pleasing Him to make Him happy because his pride in me brings me joy. When I say "Give" I don't mean in gifts, but in the very utter sense of the word, to give Yourself, to give of yourself.

When I do something that makes Him happy, makes him smile, makes him proud of me, it inspires within me the most wonderful feeling. I can't Be any other way. I want to give all of me. Finding someone that can handle that is another issue entirely.