Hime, this was an interesting read and I couldn't help smiling. Not at you, mind, but because pieces of it are similar to my own little quirks.

I think the kink itself is forced submission. You want to be made to do what you really want to do anyway. There are those lovely prisoner/captive games to play but you don't necessarily want to live that way.

When I was coming out into the lifestyle, I was pretty clueless. I had dabbled in light bondage with my partners but not much else. I found myself involved with an older woman who delighted in making me do new things and pushing my limits. It goes without saying that I didn't know from safe, sane or consensual.

I guess you could say I learned from the bottom. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy what I did because I most certainly did. There is just something in me that needs to be pushed to let go. I remained very much a brat and a smart-ass, though. Once she had taken all my virginities and taken her leave, I was left with a disinclination to be on the bottom regularly anymore.

These days, I'm pretty dominant in almost all of my life, both personal and professional. I'm the head of household and only rarely let the reins go. I still call myself a switch, though, because there is still a part of me that enjoys the push/pull of getting the tables turned.

This isn't an everyday occurrence but I do enjoy it when my pet has taken the bit between her teeth and managed to wrestle the control away from me. I trusted her to force me to submit and to later take her punishment/reward that she has earned.

Power exchanges play a large part in my fantasies and in my writings. I wouldn't trade them (or the memories) for the world. I consider myself lucky when I find partners that compliment my switch percentages.

Good luck in communicating your desires and best wishes in getting what you want.