Originally posted by flower{J}
[B]
my r/l boyfriend and Master, have just entered into a D/s relationship and trust me, what you read in books, and see on the internet is just a little bit different than what happens in O/our home, especially when i have a headache or am not in a good mood. i will be the first to admit that W/we are not the poster couple for BDSM by any means.
LOL! In my time, I was never the poster submissive either. I'm still not, but our relationship has totally evolved in the years we have been together. We started out with a fantasy type BDSM kind of arrangement and ultimately concluded that just wasn't us. And let me tell you, we did it by the book, sort of. LOL!

However, the funny thing is that what it is now is something that very closely resembles a TPE, but without all the crap. LOL! We're not into whips and chains and collars, play parties, and all that, but we do have very strong elements of D/S and of course, we do enjoy kinky sex. *grin* But I don't live chained to the bed awaiting my Lord and Master's arrival, waiting for him to tell me what to wear, how to kneel, or if I'm allowed to pee!


i think it boils down to an individual couple's wants and desires. i also believe that BDSM guidelines are necessary, as just that "guidelines". In the beginning, W/we all need information and resources. For me personally, the internet has been a great place for information, ideas, support, etc. Following that, each couple has to decide what works for T/them and to what extent T/they choose to play out the fantasy and/or lifestyle.
Amen to that! I went from knowing ZERO (absolutely literally!) about BDSM (in fact, it was a shock to me that people really, actually did this stuff!) to basically going full circle both in my knowledge and in my experience.

And I recall quite vividly the 'one true way' syndrome that I came across everywhere. It was this contest to see who did it more correctly, intensely, more like some novel or another, etc.

What I finally concluded (like you Flower is that any relationship is between the individuals involved and isn't open to judgment by others. Relationships are personal.

The other tangent to this is interesting as well. Many people spent great amounts of time trying to justify their choices. I understand why now and years ago, I did the same for a while. What is there to justify? LOL! But I did feel terribly guilty about my 'kink', intensely guilty and even ashamed in the beginning and as I learned both from the web and in real life, I realized I had put myself through all kinds of grief for nothing. LOL! Many of the arguments tried to 'prove' that men should have dominance (in the case of Goreans, some 'natural order') over women. Or worse, that women were somehow inferior to men. Bullshit.

However, there seems to be an almost natural dynamic between men and women that does lend itself to a dominant/submissive relationship -- BUT ... not in the way I've seen in practised on the Net.

I do not feel inferior to my husband, yet he is certainly the dominant partner in our relationship. He has his role, I have mine and they happen to mesh quite nicely. I'm not quite sure how to explain it. LOL!


i will however vent about one thing.... i do have a problem with being in a BDSM chatroom and being corrected, on my salutations or my typing, by an "online only" Master. i believe that if anyone has the authority to correct a sub, much less in public, it should be that subs Master. i don't think that the foundation of BDSM will be shaken OR fold, if i don't type Sir or You.
LOL! I agree and even back then, I used to ignore them completely and go on with what I was doing. I answer to no one but myself and 'my Master'. I guess that is why I haven't been to any BDSM related site in years except of course for this one. But I'm just here for the stories.


Ok, so i never said that i didn't ramble. Hopefully, i will not get slammed too hard on my thoughts, as it is my opinion only.
I should write a story about the art of slamming on-line masters in a submissve way. LOL! Sad to say, many of them miss the nuances of a good, submissive, sweet sounding slam. Ah well, I'm probably too rusty at it anyway as I haven't had to use those things since I left BDSM circles.

Pooka