How has abuse affected your life in BDSM?

[sipgirl]

Been away for awhile, but I will add my 2 cents...it may not be worth even that LOL!!!I guess I am the exception to the rule. I am totally submissive behind closed doors...totally!!!I had an awesome childhood, have a family who I love dearly, parents who are still married after over 30 years. No stepsisters, no stepbrothers, we all have the same mom and dad. All but one boyfriend treated me like gold and now have a Master/husband who for 17 years has worshipped the ground I walked on (not literally of course its more the other way around, but you get the point).
I honestly dont know where my submission comes from. I have asked myself that question hundreds of times. Those on the outside would NEVER guess I have an ounce of submission in me. To the outside world I look very, very dominant. The girls and I walk into a bar, walk down the street in a city when we take our weekend trips or through the mall and we own it...head up, chest out, looking around smiling and confident.I am in charge of so many aspects of my life, my previous jobs always in managment, the lead in the school plays, the soloist in chorus,the team Mom, the charity president,one everyone counts and depends on. A flirt, some may even say downright sassy!!!However, close the door to the outside world and you will find a person who lies at the complete opposite side of the spectrum.
Maybe the above mentioned reasons are the cause of my submissiveness, maybe the fact that I am so dominant in every other aspect of my life, so depended upon by everyone else that at the end of the day all I want is to be tied up, whipped, all I want is to be at his feet, to be dependent on someone else for a change...to finally be the weak one.
I dont pretend to have all the answers and I can only speakfor myself, but abuse was never an issue in my life and yet here I am...