What I would like to ask is do you always have to live out your fetishes each and every time you and your partner have sex? In my mind, my fantasies never had to end with the sex act. I always realized it was sexually erotic and arousing. However, it did not necessarily have to end with the sex act itself as the end result. After reading all these threads I now think that most of the time the BDSM activities lead to some sexual activity.

Anyway again I ask, is there always your Dominant and/or submissive needs that must be met first before you can have an enjoyable sexual encounter? I believe it would be called a vanilla activity without the BDSM activities being involved. If you sometimes do only engage in a vanilla sexual encounter, are you at the same time fantasizing about the fetish activities that you normally enjoy to get you in the mood, so to speak? Can you get into the mood without these BDSM activities or at least thinking about them?
Since your question has differnt sections but is of one overal question. I am going to answer it in the overal aspect.

For me, sex always has a D/s element in it. she as my wife recieves me as the husband, accepts my member in her body. That in of it's self in my IMO is a submissive act, I know there are others who would disagree, and thats fine.

As far as the fantasy of BDSM and S/M goes, do I incorperate it in our intimate time, no not always, and no I don't always think about it during the act. That said, the most erotic experiences I have ever had in my entire life have been with my wife/slave, and yes, they were all of some sort of kink related activity.

I hope this answers your questions.

V/R
ID