Hello all, I am 46yo female, hetero, and have recently realized that I have been a sexual submissive all my life. In the past year I have really gotten into to learning more, reading, viewing the internet etc. This is what I am meant to be. I have no qualms, hesitation, or concerns about why it is so, it just is. But for years I was in a cloud, not knowing what/who I really was, I was living the most vanilla of lives; I don't even like vanilla ice cream! I married a wonderful, but a very, v e r y vanilla man. He is trying to give me what I would like, but the trying is obvious, and therefore unsatisfying. I am into humiliation, submission and not being in control as opposed to being in pain. But try as he may, he is not into it, so I remain frustrated, and stunted. And add to this that in our day to day lives I am the dominant one. He relies on me so much for so many things and decisions, and often I cannot trust him to do as he said he would. There is no respite, even in bed, where I feel that I need/want it most. I have developed a fantasy Dom. This fantasy or imaginary Dom will tell me how to be, what to do, when to submit to the vanilla missionary position, etc. It helps sometimes, but at other times the frustration turns to anger, and I will lash out at my poor unwitting husband. I am committed to this marriage, but sometimes…I wish it were different.