Thank you thank you thank you mastersgem for bringing this up. This question has always intrigued me actually - why my body decided to be submissive. Maybe this discussion could shed some light? (It's such a fun discussion already. ^^)

I've always been very strong, physically and mentally. Not in a muscular way but my family's roots go waa~ay back into the military, martial arts, weaponry, etc. so I've been brought up knowing how to fight, and how to kill. But it also has its counterproductive result - since my family drilled it into my mind that I must never fight someone unless for defense and that I might accidentally hit someone too hard - I have only ever fought once in my life. I think the warnings scared me off fighting that I lost the ability to judge when would be a good time to fight.

I guess people just automatically took that as a sign of passiveness and I, somehow (I'm still confused on how), got into two abusive relationships. It wasn't until my second relationship sent me to the hospital with severe internal bleeding that my youngest sister, who was the only one that knew vaguely what was going on, told me to settle the issue or she'll settle it for me. I still felt bad about doing violence, regardless of what violence was done to me, so I talked her out of it and told him I wanted out of this. When he tried to hit me again, my roommate and my spar partner, Tiffany, walked in and she just went crazy.

I'm still glad to this day that she didn't kill him. But let's just say he was lucky to be near the hospital when she went at him.

I forgot exactly how the conversation went between Tiff and I, but one thing led to another, and she thought maybe if I could trust someone intimately again, I could put this behind me. She introduced me to this lifestyle and I was very intrigued. I was nineteen so four years have passed since then. I'm still so new to all this, simply because there wasn't any time for me to learn and explore what with the graduate and bachelor degree and everything. But I still wonder how I got to this point. Anyone care to break it down for me? ^^