Quote Originally Posted by delia View Post
I think it comes down to the fact that people define love differently, no? The term, polyamorous, whose roots are pretty clear, has been used to describe something far different then its simplisticly complex definition.

Poly folks don't necessarily have the same relationship with each member of the poly family. For instance, it might be a couple who has a "third" for play only, or a Dominant with no primary submissive, but 2 submissives who have different purposes & functions in the household.

The way that Poly WORKS is to make sure of the following:
1.) COMMUNICATION is working. What kills Poly is the same thing that kills everything else: a lack of open & honest communication
2.) Clear definitions of roles. What kind of poly relationship are you having? Are you a couple who is looking for some sexual spice? Are you a Dom who enjoys having mulitiple submissives for multiple functions? Are you two couples who enjoy eachother's different strengths? Everyone in the relationship has to be on the same sheet of paper. Poly only works if everyone feels safe & secure in their purpose & role.

Beyond that...

Love is relative, as I said, to different people. Have I loved more then one person in my life? Sure, but not necessarily the same sort of love. My love for T is very different then my love of a Poly play partner (third), or a former lover. Does that mean that a third doesn't feel a part of the poly dynamic? No, of course not... but the TYPE & KIND of love of the third is just different.

I am sure there are people who would say "you can have but one true love." Ok, but how should I know exactly what that is? How can I know that there is ONLY one? Or that I HAVE the right one (I do, but hey, I am super lucky & special)? Is there some instructional guide? A DVD? A course? I certainly haven't ever seen one. So until I do, I am going with the statement of, "you can love more then one, differently."

Again, each to their own... but for poly, you can DEFINITELY have a situation where there is mutual love--just at a different level & a different variety--between all the partners.

Ok, think I babbled enough...
Your response to this topic makes the most sense to me, and my overall experience with Poly. Thank you!

Honest Open Communication is Truly the key to helping Poly work. At the same time isn't that true of any Style of Relationship?

Making and Keeping Agreements and setting Relationship Bounderies also faciltates the success of Poly. Like you mention Delia "Clear definition of Roles".

Though some of the concerns expressed by some other(s) here are certainly valid ones as well ime.

Time Management for instance is a bigger issue in Poly Relating, because there are more PPL involved. And every one wants and needs quality Time with their Partner(s). One can even become what is termed in the Poly Community as > Poly Saturated, IE have Too Many Partner(s) to fullfill the Relationship needs of. Which is not a good thing.

Taking on a Partner none of one's other Partner(s) likes or Trusts is also a pretty destructive thing to do.

Also Poly is a generic Term for Multi-Partner Relating. PPL in the Poly Community have as many definitions of What Poly is to them, as there are PPL nearly. One will have the best success in Poly, Choosing other(s) who have the same or similar definitions for themselves. Choosing a Relationship with someone who is seeking a 2ndry Partner, when you yourself are seeking a Primary Partnership, likely won't work out well in the longrun for anyone. Nor vice versa. And again like you mention Delia "Clear Definiton of Roles*.

Like any other Style of Relating, do PPL Choose Relationship(s) with other(s) that don't want the same or similar things from that Relationship? If they do How Smart is that? ummmm

I also note that many PPL in the Monogamous Mainstream of Society tend to think in the direction that Poly PPL simply have not found their "Right One" yet. How Many times in my Life have I heard this statement? I can't count them. The Truth of the matter is that they have found the *Right One*, just that they've found more than one of them, and each on different Levels. Each and every Relationship is different, like each and every person is.

Another key to making Poly work well is the ability to first of all Choose Partner(s) that will mesh well Together, and Trust and Respect eachother, as well as the Relationship Agreements and Bounderies of each Relationship. This facilitates Love and Trust with everyone involved.

As for me, my pre-existing Relationship(s) take precedence, and do set the standard for what I may or may not have to offer the next person. But that is me.

Respectfully~SidheWolf