My apologies for the late reply.

Very nice SBBE. You set the scene quickly and your writing gives the reader an instant empathy with your main character. The only criticism I have is that I don't know what any of the characters look like really. Is Joey big? Is Lisa a red-head? Now mystery is a big part of erotic writing, but taken too far it can be discouraging for the reader.

For your next assignment I'd like you to take the scene further. Let your imagination take it where you want it to. This time try to describe the people in the scene with some more detail. Visualize what they look like as well as what they smell, hear, taste, etc...

Great work so far and I'm looking forward to the next installment.