In my head I"m 25, but I look in the mirror and I don't see 25 anymore. I try and take care of myself (I run everyday and watch what I eat.), but age has a way of thwarting one's best efforts. Having kids doesn't help much either. It wreaks havoc on a woman's body, especially having twins. Men's bodies also deteriorate but not as quickly as women's because they don't go through pregnancies.

I'm still that same person I was when I was young. I still have the same desires and needs, and I still want my lover to find me beautiful. He has to look beyond the stretched stomach and extra fat and not so firm breasts and see what is inside, otherwise I am done for.

I'm lucky. He does. He hasn't left me for a younger, slimmer woman.

I look around me and see my friends, family members, and other women whose husbands have left them or run out on them when they hit their forties looking for a woman who "takes care of herself." (Women do it to men too, of course, but not as often)

It happens too often because what is seen on the surface becomes more important than what's inside, or becomes too important and clouds the viewer's eyes.

Let me ask one question. Has anyone here ever met someone on line? Did you come to know that person well before you ever saw what he/she looked like? I have and I found by the time she or he (I've met both) sent me the picture, I didn't really care what the person looked like. Race, size, age, didn't matter. It didn't change what I felt about her/him. Later I met those people in real life and found that the initial akwardness quickly left and we were able to continue our comfortable relationship. Woodsman and I have some very dear friends that we met on line and see when we can. I don't think either of them would have caught our eye if we had seen each other on the street. ( They probably would say the same thing about us, hehe) That experience opened my eyes more than any preaching or cliches ever could. Now I truly see people quite differently and push away the initial impression immediately, looking for what's under the surface.

Faibhar, I'm not implying that you would be so shallow or heartless as to leave a partner of 20 years for someone younger and in better shape. But if looks are unimportant to a person, if he/she is open to people regardless of how they look, if his/her arousal comes from what is in the partner's heart and mind, rather than his/her body, it is less likely to happen.

Throwing looks aside completely and making them unimportant is something that can be learned. I learned it. I wish I had learned it when I was younger. I have some regrets from my youth, some lost opportunities.