And I used to be such a nice guy...

[thir]

But, alas, this is not our problem. Our problem, or at least what I can see, is the fundamental disconnect between our desires and what people tell us it means to be a good person. 'How can I be turned on by inequality? In a utopian society we'd all be equal -- so do my fantasies make the world worse?'

Thanks for a lively and interesting post :-)
No, fantasies do not make the world worse. Fantasies do not matter, actions do. And our actions are our own, we do not hurt anyone by them. IMO one aspect of utopia is accepting diversity.

I played "slave" with my best friend when I was seven, having him "punish" me when I didn't follow orders. This seemed like a perfectly natural way to play. And it is. Because power is interesting and alluring before it is threatening or sexy. And christ, is it sexy.

Not to me, I must say. To me power is something that is too often abused, mainly talking about societies and countries but also on the personal level.
To me power has no allure nor any interest!
But it can be sexy in a purely personal and specific circumstance.

Because sex, any and all sex, is completely about shifting powers -- who has it, who wants it, who gives it up, who is willing to share. The difference that I can see is the level to which we acknowledge this or play with this. That's something that most vanilla people will acknowledge when I talk to them about this, and it's one thing that's brought me at least a little peace of mind.

Do not get me wrong when I say this, but I am really baffled by arguments that go along the line of "this is how it is for me, so this is how it is everybody."
As I see it people are like animals, we have our basic sexual instincts which nature imposes on us to make us make more people. Beyond that, there are many specialities if you like, some of which are based on power such as BDSM, but many are not or need not be, such as cross-dressing, gays, fetichism, poly and a heap more.

As for giving you peace of mind, as I said, I think that using this way of doing it by way of universal explanations or whatever can be a bit problematic as is argued elsewhere.

I ask myself why we need to look so hard for this peace of mind? (which most of us do, or did from the start)
And I think it may be as simple as that society does not want us to be happy. It wants us to be happy their way, and if we are different, we should be unhappy!
Why should we oblige them? If we can accept that the way we are is right, and be happy that way, we have won!