Also realize, sometimes the fantasy doesn't nearly match reality.

You may just not have a submissive nature. You might just be kinky!!
There are many many people who are into hard/rough/edgy sex... who are neither dominant nor submissive.

So don't look for a dominant, look for a top.

In the meantime enjoy and revel in the fantasy, but don't beat yourself up for not enjoying the D/s aspects in real life. There are still the B&D and S&M aspects. There's just a lot more talking about D/s... as if that particular emotional context makes the sexual quirks more "palatable"

But it is definitely not for everyone. You might just need a nice "vanilla" relationship with kinky sex. I don't see that as being problematic.
And if you're not trying so hard... it still might happen when you least expect it.

Just don't get down on yourself.