"one of those posers who thinks training a sub is to have him/her do whatever random sex act their unimaginative walnut brains come up with and if they disobey they get whipped."

I think that is the cutest sentence I read regarding that topic so far, and it´s oh so true.

I do not have very much advice as I am a sub myself, but as I live with my hubby who is also my Dom and always has been, I can tell that much:
1. I do not remember a single incident where I regarded a reward as "weakness".
Being a Dom does not mean behaving like an impolite asshole at all times, but I think you already figured that out.
2. It is true that not all subs (or rather, their likings) are alike. But I daresay that is also valid for Doms.
3. Finding out exactly what turns you on/what you like is really good advice. It increases the chances to find someone like-minded.
Do not expect to find a Ms Perfect who matches you in all areas, though.
Figure out what is really important to you, and what you can do without, and go from there.

I wish you good luck.