What do you consider "red flags"?

[fellintobed]

b) after we exchange first names, putting my name at the end of each effing sentence. reminds me of bad times, so yeh, i know it's not a red flag for normal people, but it just wants me to back the hell away.

That's an interesting perspective. Too many people are survivors* of Very Bad Experiences, BDSM-scene or otherwise, and therefore have personal triggers that others don't. Without getting into details on a public forum, I too have very personal red flags (and also activities I will not, under any circumstances, participate in) stemming from past trauma. There is definitely no need to feel bad or apologetic for this - not that you expressed those feelings, but for others who may be reading this and nodding along in empathy.

*I prefer the term "survivor" to "victim"... PM me if you're curious about my philosophy behind this.