I guess alot of the confusion involves peoples expectations. One liners in general are pretty lame but work for some people. "you have been a bad girl" as an opening line rates with "Hi .. come here often?" Its my opinion you should talk with someone a little bit before you try anything little less one liners. No thye have no idea you have been bad but they are hoping you want to be. <WG>

So a Dom decides to dress a sub up as a 'dirty little slut' and punishing her for it afterwards. I would 'assume' before a Dom got to tell a sub how to dress he would know thats she does or does not like getting spanked. In such a situation I would assume its part of agreed on play. Again, we come back to the differnce between spanking a sub in a playful way or actually punishing her. So lets walk through it.

A Dom knows his sub likes dressing up and showing off her sexy body. so he ask her to dress up and lets her have fun being a hot little flirt. OR a Dom knows his sub is shy and gets humilated being dressed up thisway. So he does it to make her feel watched and hot all night. the humilation keeps her on endge all night and excited for being watched by 'all those men.' The dom enjoys getting to control her by making her dress up that way and probably teasing her all night in many ways.

So now we come to the end of the night and the Dom takes her home. He whispers on the ride home she has been a 'bad girl' dressing up like a slut and showing herself off all night. So the sub gets to think about an expected spanking on the trip home. the stage is set for some fun play at that point. The only way I couls see a Dom being really upset over such a situation would be the sub dressing up at an inappropriate time. Like dressing like a slutty little girl for a formal dinner.

So the best advise for a sub and Dom is to know your partner before you begin play. Make sure you both know the others likes and limits. So if you dont like being told to dress up for your Dom then makes sure they knows it.

From the examples you listed it sounds to me more like a respect issue. you dont like people assuming you are free and available to any silly one liner they toss out. The idea they want to excuse the disrespect by saying ' Well you ARE on a BDSM site. Most people here are into this ... ' does not settle well with you. My feeling is subs are not door mats. If you cannot take the time to ask questions and get to know the needs of another then you dont deserve the subs or Doms respect. So good for you not letting someone push you around.