My first love cheated on me.
In an odd way, I've always been thankful because I knew right out of the gates what it felt like and swore I'd never do it to anyone or allow it to be done to me again.
So far in life I've been a monogamist and have always precedented relationships with the need to be honest. Just tell me if there's interest in someone else, and I'll do the same, so we have the choice to leave or begin an open relationship. Whether monogamy is for you, or not...it's all about honesty for me.

But yes, I think cheating (as in deceiving a partner) is one of the ultimate in disrespect... and I don't tolerate disrespect. With that being said though, I honestly don't know how I'd react if a love of mine (husband, long term partner, etc) cheated on me. I would probably go through much of what you and your ex did, Ragoczy. I commend people who are able to make it past an affair. It's torturous to those deeply affected by it.

I've seen families ripped apart by affairs, I've seen open relationships thrive, I've seen marriages repair after an affair, and I've seen monogamous relationships last 40+ yrs. I've also been part of an affair unbeknownst to myself. I'd begun dating a man who failed to tell me he got back with an old girlfriend before we started dating. I was absolutely horrified. How dare he put me in the position of being someone's mistress without ME (or her) consenting to that? It goes both ways. Not everyone would want to be part of an affair and that's something to take into consideration.

My views are obviously that of someone who has never been in a really long term relationship and felt that I was missing something. My relationships have always ended respectfully. In fact, I've been to several ex's weddings Perhaps it's easier said than done... but I don't think disrespecting someone is needed. Communication, working damn hard to solve issues, and respecting my partner regardless of the lull we might be in at the moment is how I aspire to behave in any relationship.

We don't always get what we want or need in our lives. And it's surely not always roses or is it always going to be like the day we fell in love with someone...but where did the sacrificial lessons of our parents and grandparents go? I know my grandfather didn't like his 30+ yr job- but it put food on his families table, a roof over their head, clothes on their backs, and provided retirement for them. He never complained one day in his life about what he had to do. He sacrificed. I've seen my parents almost get divorced, and have a few rough years more than once... but they survived the lulls and are still together. Both my parents have sacrificed throughout the years.

Thankfully in our modern times, we have so much choice and opportunity, but I wonder at times if it has skewed us too much towards selfish? I don't think anyone should be unhappy in life. I really don't... but I also don't think people's needs should harm others feelings.

Yes, I'm an old soul idealist with romantic ideas of perseverance. And I'm not espousing my opinion to offend because I really don't judge others. No one can walk exactly in someone else's shoes. It's just that my idealism tells me there has to be a way to make everyone happy in the end without betraying or disrespecting someone.