new and just tryin to get some Qs answered...

[lucy]

umm...ok so i just joined a couple days ago...

Hello and welcome to the library. I hope you find some answers to your questions here. However, don't think anyone hear can tell you whether you're a submissive, slave or just into kinky sex. And i think it doesn't really matter which it is.

o and btw: what does "ty" and "pm" mean, i have read it in the chat room??

Easy answers first: "ty" means "thank you". "pm" possibly means "private message". But then again, i'm not too sure about that myself. There's too many abbreviations used in the chatroom for me to understand them all.

i have been reading how people knew they were a sub of not, and i found alot of stories about when people were kids. i dont really have any stories like that...

Me neither. Or i forgot them. Dunno if that's important to have such stories. I guess it's more important to realize you have the dreams and fantasies you wrote about.

a year ago in my self defense class the teacher told us a horror story of how a woman got raped in her house at knife point and for some reason when i left the class i began to regularly fantasize bout that. lookin back now, it seems terrible of me to fantasize about something awful like that.
does that mean anything besides me being seriously disturbed???

Welcome to the evergrowing club of the seriously disturbed
Joking aside: Having fantasies you think are completely sick is very common. (I have fantasies i couldn't ever write about in broad daylight. They must remain in the darkness of my bedroom, neatly stashed away under the sheets... hmmm, hell yeeessss!)
So, yes, having such fantasies probably means you're a pretty normal person.

i never admitted that to anyone, nor the fact that i have fantasized about being takaen by multiple men. im not tryin to actually have that like happen in real life...like actually being raped by a random person on the street, but the fantasy of it....
there have been other "odd" fantasies, or situations i have enjoyed, but sexually ive never actually done anything interesting at all submissive or not beyond missionary! (lame i kno!)

I think you just have made the most important step: To admit that you have those fantasies to yourself. Whether you want to actually live out some of those fantasies or not is something only you can know.
Now you should ask yourself: Do i want to do something beyond missionary? Do i want to find out what i want? I don't think it's an easy journey for anyone, but i do think it's a journey well worth making.

i dunno. any advice or insights would be appreciated. is there really no need for me to wonder if i am possibly submissive, or do i just want it rough...really rough?? ok sorry yall i know this was hella long :-(

Again, i don't know if you need to wonder whether you're submissive or not. I was pretty exactly in your position some time ago. I felt i needed to explore it, because i felt that i always missed something in my relationships. Maybe you just need it really rough, maybe you find out that you want to submit to a Dominant 24/7. You have two options now: Try to find out if you want to explore this side of yourself or let it be. From what you write i think sooner or later you'll starting to explore it anyway, so why not start right now.

And i disagree with bigcharlie. Whether you are a slave and need to be trained to be a slave or not nobody knows. Currently not even you. And i'm also not sure whether you need someone right now to introduce you, however gentle it may be.
Personally, i think reading some stories, think about what you like/dislike and maybe even make a list (be it mental or however) of them would be a good start. And talk to people, be it via private message, in the chatter or by email. And then, if you feel you want to explore that side of your personality further, then you should go ahead and look for someone who helps you finding out about yourself.

That's all my opinion on the matter, but i think finding out about yourself, what you really want, whether you're a submissive or whatever is important enough to take your time and go reeeeaaaal slooooooooow.

And, although i hope it doesn't apply on this forum: Keep in mind that you're in the www. There's creeps and freaks. Take care.

Good luck and my best wishes for your journey, may it be full of excitement and joy and may it lead you where you belong.

PS: Feel free to pm or email me whenever you want.