This is something that really puts me off (and also why I'm having such difficulty finding a Dom). I really hate it when a Dom just meets me (online, not in real life yet), and immediately brings up BDSM. As in, what I'm into, what I've done, what I look like, etc. They don't know a thing about me. Not my Name. Not where I'm from. Not what I like (outside of BDSM like movies, music, foods). They make me feel like a sex object. And not in a good way either because sex-objects are a dime a dozen. All women can have sex. If a man values me for the sexual favors I can provide him (rather than my winning personality and my insatiable curiosity) then I become expendable. If he doesn't get what he wants from me then he'd just move on to someone else. And I am just another whore to him. I don't want it to be that way. On the other hand, maybe we'll get to personality and likes and dislikes later on. But...then that means he's prioritizing BDSM and sex over personality. I dunno.

I just want to know whether or not my feelings about this are reasonable. I mean, I understand that this lifestyle is much different than a vanilla lifestyle. In a Vanilla relationship, if you're with someone whom you love being around then that's enough for both parties to be content. But not when in comes to BDSM relationships. Personality is not enough. That's why we are here. We HAVE to have someone that we are compatible with in this lifestyle. Even if we found someone who was the coolest, kindest, most fun person to ever be around, if he or she is not the role you want them to be (i.e you are both subs or both Doms) then a relationship wouldn't really work out.

So, on a certain level, I understand WHY it's so important to so many people to see 'first' if they have the potential to take things further. Still, does that mean that we push personality and likes/dislikes out of the way until 'later'? Still, personality is just as vital. A BDSM relationship can't function without compatible personalities either. What makes BDSM/sex more important?

Is it too much to ask for the same courtesies one would get if they met me on the street? Even if a guy were at a club on a mission to get laid that night, he wouldn't go up to a girl and immediately ask her if she takes it up the ass. No. He'd say hi. maybe buy her a drink. compliment her on her appearance. Ask her about herself. You know, make small talk before getting to the nitty gritty. Regardless of a guys intentions, they try to be a LITTLE courteous in real life.

But, like I said, maybe I'm asking for too much. Maybe that's just not the way things work online because, after all, we ARE here for certain reasons that revolve around bdsm and sex and these reasons are so important to the point where a vanilla relationship cannot do. Is this just one of those things that I have to tolerate and pretty much expect from the guys who message me? If that is the case then I can adjust because what I'm doing now certainly isn't working lol.