Intelligence, Education and BDSM

[woodsman'sgame]

For many people, "kinky" activity involves an interest in sex and the other person, an interest that goes beyond the immediate satisfaction of one's physical needs.

In the rural area where I live, I don't think it is happening much and if it is, it is not what the submissives here would fantasize about. (Maybe it's exactly what some of the doms would like since it is very self-centered. I don't know.) Woodsman comes into contact with people whose education is limited and/or whose intellectual pursuits are not high. He tells me what these men talk about as far as sex is concerned (and they talk about everything) and it's pretty sad. Even in the vanilla realm I feel sorry for their wives.

He has a friend whose wife recently left him. Everyone called her a "slut" because she was unfaithful. She went looking for another lover. Woodsman had a long talk with his friend (who was considered a "stud" by his peers) and taught this "stud" that 1) most women can't have an orgasm unless they have direct clitoral stimulation, 2) a woman can have more than one orgasm, 3) foreplay should last a while (five minutes isn't enough time), and some other facts that you might be surprised that he didn't know. This person is in his late 30's and played the field a long time before he got married. His education? limited (high school) His intelligence? I don't know him well enough to judge, but from what I know it is about average.

I think that education and/or intelligence does have something to do with interest in the lifestyle, but a genuine interest in the other person and in making the experience more enjoyable for both can also be an important factor.
I think if that concern is there, then the exploration is more likely to happen.

I may need to start another thread, but this ties in with intelligence and education. The one thing I have learned about BDSM activities that seems to be a given when dealing with "safe and consensual BDSM" is that they involve verbal or written agreements between the parties. The people involved actually discuss the activities they enjoy, want, or will allow. They communicate. This doesn't happen in many relationships outside of BDSM, so many that it is scary to think about them. The willingness to communicate then becomes the most important factor. How much is this willingness to communicate, this understanding that communication is important tied to intelligence and/or education? I would guess a great deal.

Oh, a quick note, there are many kinds of intelligences according to some theorists. If you adhere to those theories, when it comes to communication, social intelligence can make up for lack of the traditional mathematical and verbal intelligences. Social intelligence is what causes one to have a "genuine interest in the other person." A person who is socially intelligent knows how to communicate and understands its importance, even though he may not be a wiz in math or school subjects.

One more thing: Sadism or masochism by themselves are something else entirely. I don't think intelligence is a factor at all in these areas. I have seen some really stupid sadists and masochists. We all have.

Ok, I have said enough. I hope I've not muddied up the waters too much.