Meeting your Master in person?

[Veralynne]

Hi all!

I was just up late, trying to fall asleep with no luck. My Master is coming to visit me in town tomorrow for the weekend and I am SOOO excited :-) We have never met in person yet- only via videoconferencing so far.

I am anxious and nervous and excited all wrapped into one. Nervous mainly that I will disappoint Him in some way. This is my first experience with ever trying to be a sub 24/7, and this will be my first real-life experience with it. I am hoping I really enjoy the things I fantasize about, when actually acted out! :-P

Just wondering if anyone could share any tips, information, encouragement- and especially personal stories about the first time meeting your Masters! (assuming it was the same situation- met and talked online before meeting in real life)

[lucy]

Sorry, no experience or tips to share, but i wish you a very good time and tons of fun

[denuseri]

Well the only time I ever did it I was lucky to survive the encounter.

I know that sounds scarey but hey there are some bad people out there. I even chatted to this guy and what I thought was his wife/sub for three months online before going to meet them. It was all a scam and turned into a living hell.

He is coming to meet you thats good. Home turf advantage. I highly reccomend that you have a responsible third party standing by to call the police with your location if you don't contact them by a specified time in person. It is a good idea to have this arrangement for some time well into the relationship in my opinion. My attacker/abductors didn't act funny until I had been with them for 2 whole weeks and then it was too late to get away.

It is also a good idea to not go anywhere alone with him at first, at the very least have him meet any friends that you might have available. The more people that know you are meeting and where the better.

Remember no matter how much you may think you trust a new dominant from online you don't really know him in real life yet.

That kind of trust can only be earned over time with actions.

Saftey first~Kink second.

I will pray that all goes well for you and that your experience will be far different from mine.

In fact I wish you both nothing but the best.

[SauvagePouline]

Denuseri has great advice there.

After all of that, once you know you're safe, take a few deep breaths, and relax. A good master will understand it is your first time, and he will help you, and you will be able to please him.

Has he been giving you tasks via the internet? If he has, and you enjoyed them, and completed them, and he was pleased, then obviously you enjoy what you do with him, and surely you can expect to enjoy your time, and please him in IRL too.

Bon courage! I hope it's everything you dreamed of and more.

[shayna{L_D}]

Denu has awesome advice, she really does. I have met people from the internet tons of times. Some just friends, one more then that. When its meeting someone as friends, its so much better then meeting as potnental lovers. I havent ever had a bad expierence, i guess im just lucky. When i met the person i am with now, it was just friends at first, so it wasnt that hard, but there was some feelings, hidden. Its scary and your nervous, wanting to impress them and show them that you are as great offline as you are online. But what i found to be the best trick is to be yourself. You are more yourself online then you are offline i believe, you are able to share secrets, fantasies, storys that are rather embarressing becuase there is no face to face contact, so they cant see you blush or be mortified.
I'm getting a bit off topic here, just be yourself..they like you are so far, so what could he be dissapointed in? Your submission? If that is what you are worried about, im sure he knows this is your first time ever doing it in real life (my same situation), he, im sure would be more then okay with a few mistakes, and or slip ups when you are playing. Plus im sure he is more then happy to guide you. So no worries. We all had to be new once..

Good luck!

[leah06]

Just wondering if anyone could share any tips, information, encouragement- and especially personal stories about the first time meeting your Masters! (assuming it was the same situation- met and talked online before meeting in real life)

Well, Veralynne, I have been thinking about this a lot and I think I can give you a tip. I don't think you want my whole story, though. The tip is this - spending a lot of time getting to know someone long distance is a double-edged sword. As someone already mentioned, you feel safer in certain ways to reveal more of yourself, and you can also allow yourself to experience your emotions possibly more quickly and deeply than you otherwise would. On the other hand, there's a lot more room long-distance to fill any gaps in your information with your own fantasies and not with the reality of the other person. If you then choose to meet in person, there will inevitably be some amount of disconnect between the fantasy and the reality.

Some people, I think, try to deal with this by prolonging the fantasy as much as possible, avoiding getting additional or conflicting information or discounting it when it arises. In my opinion, this is a mistake, because normal healthy people can only discount unwanted information for so long. Eventually it does catch up with you. So my advice would be, enjoy being 24/7, enjoy fulfilling your fantasies, but make room for both of you to move beyond them. Be aware that the reality of spending an entire weekend with a stranger-but-not-a-stranger can be jarring. Allow yourselves to experience that - it's OK and you can move beyond it, but only if you make room for it first.

In my case, some of which I've posted elsewhere, I think the reality was too much for one of us. It was presented to me as a big surprise that arose at the end of the weekend, but in retrospect I don't think so. I arrived on Friday and we had a great afternoon of generally fulfilling fantasies, but then he had to be out quite late for his work and I went to sleep waiting for him. He was very pleased and grateful that I intended to sleep and that I did not require tremendous care and nurturing - but. But I wonder what it was really like for him to come home and find someone sleeping in his bed. In a way that's much more intimate than some things that people do. In any event, the next day wasn't the same at all. I think if we'd been prepared for these kinds of things, and had discussed them, the weekend might have been different.

In terms of meeting expectations, or disappointing your partner, I agree with others that I don't think you need to worry about that.

[Pearlgem]

Assuming you're taking the excellent advice on safety to heart, VL, I'd like to reply to your thread by sharing my own first experience:

When I first clapped eyes in real life on the man who would be my Master - a public place, getting to know you meeting - I felt completely at home. As he greeted me, he leaned forward to kiss me on the lips... and I primly offered him my cheek! (I think now what a wasted opportunity - I would have snogged the face off him knowing what I know now!) It was wonderful to be able to integrate those physical touches to the man I'd come to know intimately on line. Most of all though, I found I fancied the look of him. Physical attraction matters and don't pretend it doesn't! He was such easy company, charming, interesting, personable - I felt we fitted each other and that was that. We talked and talked and talked, (a great deal vanilla,) just like on line but easier, more flowing, more intimate and natural face to face. We tried out some Sir/girl conversation. It felt odd at first to hear myself speaking this way to a real live person, but it was thrilling too. As we chatted, I realised with delightful shame that I wanted nothing more than for him to take me into the bushes, pull down my pants, put me over his knee and spank my bare bottom but alas, it just wasn't possible then. I didn't tell him this at the time but I cherish the memory of that wonderful, early and natural desire. Any time he touched me - hand holding, guiding me this way or that, playful swats on my bottom - I just LOVED it. The smell of his skin has become intoxicating to me.

All too soon he had to go. We were in his car. We looked into each other's eyes. I knew he was going to kiss me. Like an adolescent, I was surreptitiously trying to wet my dry lips in preparation. He leaned in, and the sheer passion of that first mutual kiss astonished us. Eventually we pulled back and I remember looking intently at him wanting more, more, MORE, and I leaned in and took another massive snog (breaking his subsequent rules of decorum,) and he's often said it had been years, if ever, since he'd been kissed like that. Whenever I need to remember what it's all about for me, I think of the passion of that second kiss we shared. For the first time, my desires had a home.

The second time we met, I discovered that the pain I had fondly romanticised as erotic was just...painful! I thought briefly, never again, but desire overcomes difficulties and I've never regretted growing with my Master in our relationship, trusting love and devotion and lots and lots of talking to overcome all obstacles.

The best of luck x x

[denuseri]

Ok I deispensed the tough love, now for my hopelessly romantic side.

And this is really advice for both of you.

Just remember to breathe !!!! lol

Also keep in mind he is probabably going to be just as nervous as you are.

And remember you don't have to do it all in one meeting.

Just seeing each other in the flesh for the first time may be overwhelming enough.

I will keep you both in my prayers and I really hope this turns out to be the start of a very wondeful relationship for the two of you.

Hugs and kissess my friends.

[Aibo]

Hello Veralynne.

It sound good you are finally about to meet, also I recommend your hometown.
Take it easy, yes easy to say but less easy to be relaxed, but if you go with what shayna say and you just be yourself I think things will go well.

As for denuseris comments here, I must say I am disappointed. Just because some of us are dominants who actually do this in reality, doesn't mean that we are some kind of uncontrolled beasts. Common sense and the need of consent guide even us.

As for some general pondering and sobering thoughts:

In dating someone you met online, expectations will be extremely high, and that is something you need to look into. I have failed a number of times due to expectations turned into unrealistic levels, and that from both sides.
But even then, you might find that you two are really not even compatible.

A submissive woman I discussed things with elsewhere said that only 1 date in 10 show that much promise that she felt she could proceed.
In my experience I give a little bit better odds, I met my ex in one BDSM chatroom on IRC Dalnet, when we found out we were relatively near we decided to meet. Resulted in 8 quite wonderful years. So things can very well go fine for you.

Another date for me is due next week, so I wish us both good luck now.

[denuseri]

Feel free to take it up with me in PM then Abio if your so disapointed.

Truth is not everyone on the internet allways has good intentions.

I would much rather see one of my sisters prepared to protect herself than to blindly trust someone with out taking precations.

No one should have to suffer through what I did.

Any good dominant worth his salt will understand the position a girl places herself in in these situations and be more than understanding with whatever safty conserns she may have.

[SauvagePouline]

Denu... definitely. I agree with you whole heartedly. I've been on the net since before I was 14, and have met MORE than my share of fakes online. Definitely best to be prepared when you meet someone.

If everyone who came online was genuine, there would be no need for the ability to ban people from forums, or to hide your location or picture or identity entirely.

That's not to say everyone is bad, there are plenty of good ones. I have more than few really good friends online as well.

[angelic.zest]

well all i have to say is, be safe, have your safe calls in place before you meet up with him, during the time your with him and after you leave his presence. Family, friends knowing where and when you guys are meeting, where you will be located, while with him. Plus

ive meet up with many ppl from the internet and other networking sources. Not all are beasts, not all are monsters but we all have to use common sense and precaution while meeting up with ppl from these sites. Not all are who they say, claim to be.

I am all about having fun, meeting new and "some" exciting ppl. but we have to be safe, not only for us, but for others around us. If it doesnt feel safe, leave and excuse yourself.

I hope you two enjoy each other, be safe and have fun!

[Aibo]

Hello denuseri

No reason to go into PM on this one, I am all happy to be public.

Sad to hear that you gotten hurt, but I was disappointed reading your first reply, it could very well be interpreted as you saying.
"Meeting someone is too dangerous" And so your post could very well be interpreted as more or less discouraging Veralynne from seeing the person she so much wanted to meet.

Back to Veralynne the OP in the end here:
Can add one thing not in my first post where I only agreed on the idea already mentioned on meeting on your home turf.
Safety has its place, ask what BDSM community the one you are to meet belong to, then make a call to the chairman or whatever contact person they might have. A second opinion on someone is can be good to have.

[Red Dragon {mpellegrino}]

Aloha

you could do no worse than listen to Denu's comments. All of them.

Whilst not all of us are 'beasts' you can not always tell which is which by looking at us. Denu's tips will keep you safe and out of harm as much as poss. Yes I hope all goes well and you find the perfect partner and all - I really do, but do so in a safe way (for both of you). He should take precautions to, after all there are just as many strange and wonderful subs as there are Doms and Dommes I'd guess.

Any Dom who didn't agree that safety for both of you is paramount, in my humble is not worth his (or her) salt. But keep in mind that you want it to be fun to. So keep safe and have fun.

I would agree with Denu to remember that you don't have to do EVERYTHING first meeting. Maybe just meeting will be fine and lead to more at a next meeting. Main thing is to ejoy the nervous feeling and excitement and remember he is perhaps feeling similar.

I wish both of you all the best in all things.

Mahalo Dragon xx

[blythe spirit]

Ditto to the "safety first" responses.

I've been fortunate in the fact that both Doms I met were understanding of my fear. The two friends, who supported my first meeting, called me every half hour the first day. lol (we were together five days, the first time)

The second Dom I met up with at a restaurant - his request, cuz like Dragon (which is a beast btw lol) said, there's some nutty subs out there and he was playing it cautious.

We enjoyed a very vanilla day together and ended the meeting with a hug.

Hope you have a better safe than sorry encounter. Enjoy.

[TwistedTails]

Well I have never dated from the internet (didn't exsist yet last time I dated LOL) but I wanted to reinforce what DenuSeri posted.

1. Take your cell phone with you. Don't have one? Borrow one!
2. Leave the keypad unlocked for emergency use.
3. Leave the Locator on. (in case someone needs to track you down)
4. Have a regular check in with a trusted friend. AND have them call you if you are over five minutes overdue for your check in.

5. Once you have your safety net in place. RELAX and have fun.

Best of Luck!
Bear

[uncollared-katie]

Safety is paramount and there is lots of good advice here about that - safety for both you and him.

But also important -be yourself, you can try to be what you think he wants to see - but that is hard to do forever, be yourself and let him see the real you. Once you relax, enjoy!

[Veralynne]

Hey all,

Thanks for all your replies- I really appreciate it :-) I am with my Master now and things are going well. I was definitely nervous when I first arrived but I feel more relaxed. But still excited! I am glad to know that this site helped me meet someone as wonderful as my Master.

Thanks again.. and I hope everyone else enjoys this weekend as much as I will :-P

[Ladymad]

Now I am eagerly awaiting the 'morning after' post...

[shayna{L_D}]

Now I am eagerly awaiting the 'morning after' post...

i think we all are

[Aibo]

Good to hear Veralynne, we stay posted. :P

(As for my own date it might be postponed due to the blizzard we have here right now.)

[Veralynne]

Okay... I will update you all since you were so kind to give me advice and replies!

My Master decided to stay an extra two days- so that was really nice. I was anticipating being very nervous, but I quickly felt relaxed and there were never any awkward moments. Everything felt very natural and went very smoothly.

He had me meet Him naked in a prone position (I know, I know- not a very safe way to meet), but it was very good for establishing His dominance up front. Sexually everything was great- this is the first time I've ever had a real Master in person, and I enjoyed it even more than I thought I would. We did some vanilla things as well, but practiced trying to keep the dynamic as a more 24/7 thing. I also got to have Him put His collar on me and lock it in person! I was so sad when He was leaving and He had to unlock it. :-(

I also got to do a few things I'd always wanted to try, but hadn't ever gotten to do before- such as face-slapping. (Which is amazing, btw.) Master was also very good about not taking things too fast or too slowly. He seemed very good at gauging my moods and how quickly I would be ready for things.

Anyway, I could go on and on about how great I think He is, but basically I just wanted to update to let everyone know that everything went very well. Thanks again so much for all your replies!!

I also can't stress enough how thankful I am to this site for providing the forum for me to meet such a great Master :-)

[shayna{L_D}]

I also got to do a few things I'd always wanted to try, but hadn't ever gotten to do before- such as face-slapping. (Which is amazing, btw.)

I agree!! I love it also.. and im very glad you two connected and had fun. Glad to also see that you are not hurt, meeting like that can be a very dangerous thing.

[SauvagePouline]

I'm glad you had so much fun and that it was everything you had hoped for! I wish you lots of luck in the future. Thanks for letting us know how things went -hugs-

[Pearlgem]

Isn't it exciting!

[blythe spirit]

Strange how some Dominants can put you at ease almost immediately. I do think, though, that meeting him as you did (position and all) was kinda risky. But I'm so happy that you got to experience the meeting and some "nifty" BDSM things.

Hail to Canada. lol (Who said there weren't any good Doms in Canada? hehehe. Oh yeah, I remember).

[denuseri]

YIPEE DANCES AND CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU BOTH

I hope this turns out to be the begining of a very nice relationship between you two

hugs and kissess all around

[IAmCanadian]

You are a good girl, pet.

I am very pleased with you, and I know this is just the beginning of something wonderful.

I will be posting about my experiences soon, too.

-IC