It might be old fashioned - but for me personally love in a BDSM relationship is crucial. For me it lies at the bottom of it and is my truth and my anchor in this.

I always knew I was submissive (ever since I thought about sex at all) but before I found a Master I loved, it just didn't work for me. It didn't work because without it, everything is just mutual masturbation.

What makes me feel complete in my submission and makes it so incredibly worthwhile to me is the way both sides melt into each other, they become one in a way - my Body is his body and in a less obvious way, his is mine as well.

Just for me, and I know this is different for everybody - BDSM without love is just kinky sex for me. I never get to that fulfilling, divine state of submission.


I do get that love can compromise the control of a Dom. But why does that have to be a bad thing?
I remember one moment where we were doing something and it got a bit intense - as in painful and he asked if I wanted him to stop and I first shook my head but a few seconds later I gasped that I did after all. And I felt so sorry and like such a failure but he just held me and the session was over - but it was what I needed. I need my Master to love me too.


I might be wrong about this, but it might be different for Dommes. When I first started out I didn't think a Dominant could love a submissive. Just because I could never love someone so much weaker than me. It took time to learn that its not weakness that makes me a submissive and what I give my Master is at least as much as he gives me. Maybe there is my really antiquated idea of roles but it seems easier for a man to love a girl that submits than a woman to love a man who submits?