Quote Originally Posted by gothichippiechick View Post
I couldn't agree more. Poly relationships are hard to pull off because, just as you said, it does bring up a lot of emotions. The person coming in doesn't want to just be a third wheel in an already established relationship and the people there have to figure out how to share what has only been given to them. Jealousy is probably the most common emotion in this. I wish you luck too. If this is really something you want then keep truckin,' the same is true of all relationships, there is someone out there for you. You just have to find them.
The comment about "the one coming in doesn't want to be just a third", can be true, and for others not necessarily. Explaining; When getting into a Poly Relationship, actually Before one goes there, it's important to Know what one wishes from such a Style for themselves first of all, and then from the Prospective Partner(s) also. For example; If one wishes to be a full Partner in a Livein Style, and the prospective Partner(s) only have some days a month to spend in Time (kind of 2ndry Relationship or even 3rd/tertiary) available. One can right away determine that configuration isn't going to meet their needs.

Likewise, there are people (I once was one) who have a lot on their plate in their Life, who want a 2ndry or tertiary Style Relationship with another or others, and don't want a fulltime type Relationship. AKA a Primary Style. Upon meeting someone compatible, BUT wishes a Primary Style, again, that configuration isn't going to meet either of their needs.

Meeting someone compatible in most ways, but discovering major differences such as these, can be a hard call on one's heart and mind. Even heartwrenching at times. BTDT! But it is best to cut ones loses sooner than have to face that later on, IME.

IE, It's important to Choose people who have the same, or close to the same Relationship configuration in mind to work towards, from the beginning. And only Open Honest Communication will getcha there.

Jealousy can be a factor in any style Relationship really. But Open Communication about that, as well as being willing to, and then doing the work to resolve that, generally works well. Everyone has what the Poly Community terms Triggers. Triggers are things one sees or experiences as some kind of threat. It's important for everyone involved to know what those are, and to work with that person experiencing them, in getting those either resolved, or setting up bounderies that help that person cope with the triggers they can't resolve. Each person is different, and their triggers can be anything from seeing a Partner kiss someone else in front of them, to something as simple as looks exchanged between their and other Partner(s). Talking it through many times is all that's needed. A person must be willing to dig to the root of their jealousy also, if they don't know why they have it. It's hard to do sometimes. But an explanation of "I don't Know" never helps. One cannot simply stop there. And then there has to be positive support from those who are connected to the jealous person many times, to help them overcome that aspect.

My experience with jealousy is that at least 99% of it is miss-perception. A trigger hits, and the person goes off into the thoughts and emotions of jealousy. Even though the other person the jealousy is over, many times, did no such action, or had no such intent. It is in the mind of the beholder, so to speak.


As for Us, it's not a 3rd so to speak, We are seeking. We'd both like a Full and Real Person, who wants to share a Full Life and Love Relationship with Us. More of a blending if you will. Not someone to be an extra blanket in a closet. And We are not seeking just One necessarily either. Our Term> An Intentional Family. Even though this person would be coming in 2nd to a Relationship with Us in the sense that We are already here. That fact would in no way make that person less, or in the back seat to what We have. Though it will take Time and Work, as well as Respect for what already exsists to Grow Together. Everyone, and every Relationship starts somewhere. We did. And it takes Time and work to build a Life. A cliche' "Rome wasn't built in a day". We are offering and desirous of doing the Work and putting in the Time to Grow with other(s) who are compatible with what we already have, and the Goals and directions we All want to move towards.

We are not looking for any bulls in our china cabinet tho

Yes, we do Really Want to add other(s). And I do believe "there is someone(s) out there for us". I'm just not so sure Online is How that's going to happen, given the track record so far?

Thank You for the well wishes

Respectfully~SidheWolf