Having worked at an adult store, I can GUARANTEE you that it's all true... and more.
I would like to add this:

Giggling like nervous schoolchildren is fine. But making lewd comments is not. If you don't like a toy, don't buy it--even better, put it back where you found it so I don't have to later. If you picked it up from the demo table, try to refrain from inserting it into yourself--do you know how many other people picked it up before you? But no need to stand there & say "that is just WRONG. Who would BUY that?" because chances are, if we sell it, someone is buying it.

The toys are stapled/taped shut in their containers for a few reason, one of them is to prevent people like you from opening them & then making them unsellable. We don't mind helping you try a few out--but a few doesn't mean ALL of them, and it certainly isn't just so you can giggle and get off on it. So keep your dick in your pants, boys. And let US open the boxes--we closed them, we know how to open them. We also wear gloves. On a side note, we aren't your battery store. We will sell you batteries to the toy, but we aren't going to GIVE them to you.

If you ask for my opinion about a toy & I give it to you, don't act put off. You asked! We sure do sell a variety of toys, from the craptastic to the amazing. Generally, you get what you pay for. Just don't come back a week later holding your $15 vibe, complaining it doesn't work. I told you, the $15 one will break in a week. Remember that conversation?

Speaking of broken toys. If it doesn't say WATERPROOF, it PROBABLY ISN'T. Don't come back the next day with the toy that doesn't work, a scowl & a comment about how it didn't work right in your shower/bathtub/hottub/baby pool/pool/watersports. If it's not waterproof, it's not waterproof. Next time ask. Or better yet, read the box.

On the topic of lubes... sure there are 10000 varieties out there. But there's a reason we only carry certain ones, and even better reasons we don't carry astroglide & KY. $35 is expensive for a bottle of lube that will last 3 months? I guarantee you not as expensive as the $30 co-pay + $20 prescription for that yeast infection you get if you use the wrong lube... or the $150 co-pay at the ER when you melt that silicone toy in your vajayjay because you used the silicone lube (that I told you not to use) with it. Get the right lube. That being said, if you don't, don't come crying to us about it.

On a note about size... if it looks too big for you, it probably is. If you scream like an opera singer sings when you insert that toy, it's not the right size. No shame in going a size down. Shame in going to the ER with the toy wedged up your ass.

If it SOUNDS too good to be true, it probably is. All that stuff up by our registers? Yeah that's there for you, Mr. College Student Always Up & Ready to Go as a gimmick... it isn't for normal men. It doesn't work. Trust me. Or don't-- we get $6 everytime you keep coming in to buy more of the stuff that never works. Hey, we need to make ends meet.

Why do you always ALWAYS forget about common sense? Don't be picking up those crops, slappers, straps, floggers & hitting your SO in my store. If you need assistance, just ask. But we aren't liable for that $150 copay when you hit your SO in the kidney with a toy you don't even know the name of. And no, we don't sell bullwhips. You really still wonder why?

Do I LOOK like I have tried the male penis enhancers or penis pumps? No. And sorry, but neither has my SO so I know nothing about them. All I can tell you is the doctrine of them, but hey, good luck. And no, I won't go into the back & try it with you. Not even for $50. And definitely not for $20.

Re: DVDs, not only have I not seen them all, but I never will. Why? They suck. Really they do. Go join a local BDSM club & go to the monthly dungeons. Much better, authentic porn at less then half the cost. Even better, you might find yourself a girl. But no, I can't really recommend any DVDs except 2, and only 1 of those does this store carry--the other one is just too hardcore for vanilla softees like you.

Men, your woman does NOT want the cheap _________ (lube/toys/lingerie/porn). Get the good stuff, trust me.

My collar on my neck? No, it's not a collar, it's a goth fashion statement. No, really. Would I lie to you? A horny, 50 yr old with a hardon? Would I do that?? Never.