i understand what you mean with utmost clarity, as well. i, too have always "played at" light bondage, knowing i relish being dominated, spanked and having light pain inflicted upon me during sex. It wasn't until i met DaddyJim, my Daddy, without knowing we both had more than casual interest in BDSM that the door swung wide open. As we spoke more, and the trust grew, i brought up the subject that i had a collar i enjoyed wearing; He was speechless. We began exploring further and discovered we had the same taste in role identity...He as Daddy, me as lil girl (princess). i researched more and discovered this site to learn from, and the thread "S is for Submissive" jumped out at me. i read the wise words of crazy_grrluk in that post about what / who a sub is and knew instantly that i was finally "home"... joyfully with a Daddy whom i love and trust, implicitly, and who adores me, as well. i have never been more at peace, within myself, in my life.