StillBehindBlueEyes-First Assignment

[StillBehindBlueEyes]

Here's your scene:

You're a hooker working on the street. A man and woman pull up and you go to them. They offer to pay you a huge sum of money to come with them for the night. You agree and get in the car.

Take over the scene and expand on it. Pay special attention to describing your surroundings and your senses.

There are no due dates on this so take your time.

Have fun!

Aesop

Lisa paced slowly on her high heel clad feet to keep warm. The dark was deepening, the sun had lowered half an hour ago. She caught a glimpse of Joey, her pimp down the street. “Damn,” she whispered under her breath. He wasn’t walking straight, it meant he was drunk. A feted breeze washed up from the alley he was almost even with.
“No, her,” Lisa turned at the female voice full of authority. “Yes you.”
Lisa hurried forward but didn’t rush letting the woman get a good look. The cracks in the pavement took skill to avoid, but she managed it. She leaned forward letting the passenger and driver get a good view of her barely covered breasts.
“Yes you, we need a…companion for the night.”
“What…”
“We’ll give you,” the woman lifted a handful of hundreds and fanned them, “it all.”
“For….”
“And you’ll be able to walk out of the car without any help after the night.” The woman continued a voice full of authority and seduction. “Do you want it?” The deepening of the woman’s voice accompanied the money being fanned one more time.
Lisa looked toward the driver but his face was in the deep shadows of the heavily tined car windows. “Well dear? I need an answer?” Lisa met the eyes of the woman and nodded as she stood. “Then climb in the back seat.”
Lisa glanced over at Joey starting to stagger closer, she felt uncomfortable about this. It was too much money. She almost turned and ran but Joey reached out and grabbed hold of one of his other girls and slapped her. Lisa dropped her hand to the cold metal of the car and lifted the smooth heavy handle. She stepped forward and felt her foot sink into the thick carpeting on the floor. The smell of leather overwhelmed her as she entered. Her scantily clad hips brushed the soft seat. “No dear, the floor.”
Lisa felt suddenly overwhelmed and reached for the door handle. She heard the lock and the woman laughed. The car shifted into gear, she fell flat to the floor and they drove away.
*****
I hope this is what you were expecting. I stopped where the assignment stopped. Hummmm I wonder what happened?
Thanks for the Assignment I enjoyed it
Sbbe(MK)

[Aesop]

My apologies for the late reply.

Very nice SBBE. You set the scene quickly and your writing gives the reader an instant empathy with your main character. The only criticism I have is that I don't know what any of the characters look like really. Is Joey big? Is Lisa a red-head? Now mystery is a big part of erotic writing, but taken too far it can be discouraging for the reader.

For your next assignment I'd like you to take the scene further. Let your imagination take it where you want it to. This time try to describe the people in the scene with some more detail. Visualize what they look like as well as what they smell, hear, taste, etc...

Great work so far and I'm looking forward to the next installment.

[StillBehindBlueEyes]

I don't know what any of the characters look like really. Is Joey big? Is Lisa a red-head? Now mystery is a big part of erotic writing, but taken too far it can be discouraging for the reader.

Hummmm now didn't I hear this before? Hummm oh yes it was my mother/editor when she was reading a vanilla piece I wrote. Thought I'd stopped that. Giggle Thank you for the relevant criticism.

[Rabbit1]

by all means do take your time ---see it in your mind ---details are important you have a nice start ----but make your reader see and feel and smell what you see and feel and smell ---take them there with you

[StillBehindBlueEyes]

For your next assignment I'd like you to take the scene further. Let your imagination take it where you want it to. This time try to describe the people in the scene with some more detail. Visualize what they look like as well as what they smell, hear, taste, etc...

Great work so far and I'm looking forward to the next installment.
__________________
"A man is known by the company he keeps." Aesop

2nd assignment

Lisa took in a deep breath the strong smell of leather overwhelmed her. She started to look up but a firm hand dug into her hair. “A whore never lifts her eyes unless she is instructed to.”
Lisa felt her eyes narrow and her lips tightened. She might have to whore for a living but she didn’t have to take this crap from anyone. Well, she thought of that stack of money. She could take it and run, leaving that short, pale, joke of a man behind. Joey could just choke on the booze he ladled down his throat. She’d be long gone. He’d never find her.
“Yes ma’am,” she said in a docile voice. She knew how to play this game.
“Hummmm dear, a very quick student.” The man’s deep voice drawled.
“We’ll see James, I think it’s going to take more than a sweetly tame voice to convince.”
“Of course Marie, we know you take great pride in your girls.”
“And you don’t James?” Lisa listened to them laugh as her head was pressed lower her chin almost touching her chest. “What shall we name her James?”
Lisa thought the statement a bit strange but what the heck it was a lot of money.
“Damaris, I think.”
“Making a statement are we James?”
Another deep chuckle escaped their lips.
“Whore you answer to Damaris.”
“Yes ma’am,” she murmured starting to dislike the pressure on her neck. The woman had shifted so she was kneeling on the front seat towering over her as she sat on the floor.
“First we must get rid of your whore clothing.”
Lisa found it impossible to move in the awkward position she was in, she couldn’t figure out how she was to comply when she heard the scissors.
”Damn, no!” she gasped.
“Go ahead move, jerk and find yourself cut whore.” Marie hissed above her. Lisa groaned at the extra pressure as Marie pressed down on her head further.
“I’ll be still,” she croaked.
“Damn right you will.” Her clothing slipped forward, the air conditioned coolness made her shiver. “Ummmmm, a nice back James.” Lisa felt Marie’s soft hand run up and down her back, then her nails dug in as she scraped. “Ummmmm, she marks well, nice skin tone.” The car turned and the pressure on her lessened she shifted her shoulders as the woman above her turned and sat on her seat. “Remove the clothing and set it on the floor behind you whore.”
“Yes ma’am,” Lisa said hunching and loosing her shoulders to alleviate the cramping.
“You will exit the car naked, leave everything behind, no jewelry, no shoes.” Marie barked once again.
“Yes ma’am.” The car slowed and stopped. Lisa hurried lifting her bottom, pulling the tight red thong down her legs. She snagged the stocking and was naked as the door unlocked and opened.

Lisa saw the uniform but didn’t look up. She ignored the flush spreading over her face and scooted forward. Her bare feet touched the hard brick and she pulled herself up and stood. She kept her chin lowered but her back straight. She would not be shamed, they were paying good money she would earn it and go.
“This way whore,” Marie snapped her fingers as she spoke, Lisa followed.

Lisa concentrated on the sway of the woman’s hips. She was a petite woman with long blonde hair cascading down her back. She glanced over at the man, James escorting the woman up the steps into the mansion. He wasn’t short but not tall either, he was stocky but not fat. She noticed his expensive shoes then glanced to Marie’s. She was wearing 3 inch heals. The woman was very short.
The higher she climbed the better view Lisa had to her right and left. This was on a huge estate. The cool breeze on her naked body getting cooler as they rose above the gated walls. She could see fields of corn out past the walls; they went on forever.

“Here she is, she’s called Damaris take her.” Lisa realized she was standing at the entrance to this palatial home. She glanced down quickly after seeing another man dressed in a uniform waiting at the door. Well they could afford to pay her well, she thought as the man stepped forward and wrapped his big hand around her upper arm.
“This way Damaris.”
She felt so strange standing there naked with a complete stranger speaking to her as if it were an everyday occurrence to open the door to a naked woman.
“Sure,” she said sighing under her breath.
Lisa stumbled as she was jerked around and found herself looking up into his furious face. “You will speak respectfully to everyone. You are just a rented whore at the moment.”
She felt her eyes narrowing and her hands balling into fists. She opened her mouth to speak and pop. She looked up from where she sat on the floor, her hand pressing into her burning cheek.
“I will take no sass from you whore. Master and Mistress have entrusted the running of there house to me. I will not fail them.”
Lisa felt the icy sensation of the marble floor under her naked ass. She looked up the length of the slender but muscular man standing over her. His face was set firm, his eyes hard. She realized his hair wasn’t short it was just pulled back as he reached down for her arm and a pony tail peaked out from behind his head.
“Yes sir,” she said then he jerked her up.
“Better, but Joe will do.”
“Yes Joe.”
“I am in charge of the house and the slaves here at the farm.”
“What!” Lisa turned and jerked but his big hand held her tightly.
“You heard, you’re not stupid.”
“The money?”
The man started laughing. “Well maybe you are.”
Lisa dug her heals in using the bare feet to stop them. “What do you mean?” she turned looking up into his eyes her hand pressing into his hard chest.
“You’re a gift.”
“I can be a gift, and get paid.”
He chuckled and took her wrists in each of his big hands. “I don’t think so,” he said pulling her hands behind her back. “Master and Mistress promised me a reward for my tenth year of loyal service as there number one slave.”
She choked as he leaned her back with his body. “They promised me something none of the other male slaves have.”
She felt her body start to tremble as she realized just how strong he was as his muscles bulged against the material of his uniform. “A mate.”
“A what?” she gasped into his face, feeling her heart race even faster.”
He chuckled, she mewed, “My mate,” he whispered into her face before he pressed his lips into hers.

Hope you enjoy it.

[Rabbit1]

Very nice --the only problem I had was not much spacing and the conversations seemed to run together but we will get more into structure in the next level ---

[StillBehindBlueEyes]

Very nice --the only problem I had was not much spacing and the conversations seemed to run together but we will get more into structure in the next level ---

Could you explain this a bit more?
I'm not understanding not much spacing.
Thank you.

[Aesop]

Could you explain this a bit more?
I'm not understanding not much spacing.
Thank you.

Rabbit can correct me if I'm wrong here, but I think what he meant was that you have few paragraph breaks in your writing, which can make it harder to read. In forum software like this a standard paragraph is a pain to get because of the lack of formatting, but a skipped line between paragraphs can give the the story a better flow.

Lisa took in a deep breath the strong smell of leather overwhelmed her. She started to look up but a firm hand dug into her hair. “A whore never lifts her eyes unless she is instructed to.”
Lisa felt her eyes narrow and her lips tightened. She might have to whore for a living but she didn’t have to take this crap from anyone. Well, she thought of that stack of money. She could take it and run, leaving that short, pale, joke of a man behind. Joey could just choke on the booze he ladled down his throat. She’d be long gone. He’d never find her.
“Yes ma’am,” she said in a docile voice. She knew how to play this game.
“Hummmm dear, a very quick student.” The man’s deep voice drawled.

Lisa took in a deep breath the strong smell of leather overwhelmed her. She started to look up but a firm hand dug into her hair.

“A whore never lifts her eyes unless she is instructed to.”

Lisa felt her eyes narrow and her lips tightened. She might have to whore for a living but she didn’t have to take this crap from anyone. Well, she thought of that stack of money. She could take it and run, leaving that short, pale, joke of a man behind. Joey could just choke on the booze he ladled down his throat. She’d be long gone. He’d never find her.

“Yes ma’am,” she said in a docile voice. She knew how to play this game.

That's how I would space it out. Again I could be off base about what Rabbit meant, but if I wasn't, hopefully this helps.

[StillBehindBlueEyes]

Thanks, I get it now. I just couldn't figure out what he meant. Giggle. Slightly different from writing for paper.

[Rabbit1]

sorry I confused you ---that is exactly what I meant Aesop ---guess it is just easier on my old eyes ---lol

[StillBehindBlueEyes]

Now I'm sure your not that old?
Thanks.