suissepervert's first assignment

[Dragon's muse]

Welcome to the block!

For your first assignment, craft a scene/chapter/story with the following opening.

Rebecca leaned back, letting the perfumed, steaming water work its magic on the tension in her muscles.

[suissepervert]

Sorry for taking so much time to post, but I was busy with all the festivities in the last 10 days.

I will post my part within the rest of this week.

Thanks.

[Dragon's muse]

No problem, the holidays ambushed me, too.

[suissepervert]

Finally! After a long time I did my homework.

Sorry for taking this long. Please keep in mind that I'm no english native speaker, so you might find quite a few spelling- and grammar mistakes. Furthermore my word processor has no english spell-checking tool. I'll update it till the next time.

So here it comes...

[suissepervert]

Rebecca leaned back, letting the perfumed, steaming water work its magic on the tension in her muscles. Especially her arms were stiff from being held in the same position for hours. It was a strange experience but it was very exciting too. Since she the first time she came upon pictures of bound people on the internet she wondered how it feels to be bound hand and foot. Now she knows. But what happened?

She recalled the events of the day. This morning she had met her old friend from childhood, Emma. They had not seen each other for years. As kids Rebecca and Emma had been inseparable. They lived with their parents in a small village near a major city - a few houses apart in the same street. Emma was only a few days older than Rebecca. Both went to the same class in school, played and hustled through homework together. To make a long story short, the two of them did everything together what kids could do together.

One day, shortly after they had turned ten years old, Emma’s father had to change his job. So Emma had to move away with her parents and that was the last day they had seen each other – until today.

Today, 15 years later, Rebecca had grown up to a really beautiful woman. She is 1,70 m tall with a slim figure of 55 kg, and has gorgeous breasts and a fine bum. She carries her black hair shoulder-long. Today Rebecca was doing some shopping in the nearby city, when she saw someone strolling on the sidewalk directly before her, who seemed to be strangely familiar. She had to be the same age as Rebecca was. And she had the same figure Rebecca has, only she was 2 or 3 cm smaller than her and had blond hair that reached her butt.

At fist she did not recognise the woman. But a few seconds later it dawned on her. This could be Emma. So Rebecca approached her and it really was Emma. After some hugging and crying they decided to celebrate their reunion and went to a nearby café.

Over a glass of champagne they talked about their lives, their relationships and what they had done in general. Rebecca learned that Emma has returned a week ago and now lives in the city. At some point they came to talk about what they do for a living. Rebecca reported, that she works for a large law firm. She told Emma she has a boring office job, writing letters for her superiors all day. Simply boring, she said.

Now it was Emma’s turn. She told her that she is a secretary too, but Rebecca was shocked when she learned about Emma’s second job. Two years ago she had found a really exciting job. She now does modelling for bondage magazines. At first she only played the “victim” but now she is more the “villain”. Emma reported that she had acquired many tricks and techniques through her modelling career. Now she likes to more to be in the dominant role.

Rebecca was shocked after Emma finished her story. But only for a moment. Then she got curious and asked Emma many questions about her adventures. Emma patiently answered all of Rebecca’s questions. She noticed her friends curiosity has grown only more after that. So she decided to make Rebecca an offer:

“Do you want to try?”

[Venom]

Irrgghh! Are you mean! You stopped right at the point where it became interesting!
I like the way you have carried on the given sentence - straight into a taste of bondage.

[Aussiegirl1]

Hi, I am the level 2 instructor and as you have not had a review of your assignment, I am going to give it my review. Thank you for letting us know you are not a native English speaker. I thought you did a good job, teashing just enough with the ending to make the reader want more! I will highlight any changes that need to be made below in red.


Rebecca leaned back, letting the perfumed, steaming water work its magic on the tension in her muscles. Especially her arms were stiff from being held in the same position for hours. ( This sentence would be better written like this " Her body was stiff from being held in the same position for hours, especially her arms)It was a strange experience but it was very exciting too. Since she the first time she came upon pictures of bound people on the internet she wondered how it feels (had wondered how it would feel)to be bound hand and foot. Now she knows. But what happened?

She recalled the events of the day. This morning she had met her old friend from childhood, Emma. They had not seen each other for years. As kids Rebecca and Emma had been inseparable. They lived with their parents in a small village near a major city - a few houses apart in the same street. Emma was only a few days older than Rebecca. Both went to the same class in school, played and hustled through homework together. To make a long story short, the two of them did everything together what kids could do together. ( To make a long story short, they did everything kids could do together)

One day, shortly after they had turned ten years old, Emma’s father had to change his job. So Emma had to move away with her parents and that was the last day they had seen each other – until today.

Today, 15 years later, Rebecca had grown up to a really beautiful woman. She is 1,70 m tall with a slim figure of 55 kg, and has gorgeous breasts and a fine bum. She carries her black hair shoulder-long.((She wears her black hair shoulder length) Today Rebecca was doing some shopping in the nearby city, when she saw someone strolling on the sidewalk directly before her, who seemed to be strangely familiar. She had to be the same age as Rebecca was. And she had the same figure Rebecca has, only she was 2 or 3 cm smaller than her and had blond hair that reached her butt.

At fist she did not recognise the woman. But a few seconds later it dawned on her. This could be Emma. So Rebecca approached her and it really was Emma. After some hugging and crying they decided to celebrate their reunion and went to a nearby café.

Over a glass of champagne they talked about their lives, their relationships and what they had done in general. Rebecca learned that Emma has returned a week ago and now lives in the city. At some point they came to talk about what they do for a living. Rebecca reported, that she works for a large law firm. She told Emma she has a boring office job, writing letters for her superiors all day. Simply boring, she said.

Now it was Emma’s turn. She told her that she is a secretary too, but Rebecca was shocked when she learned about Emma’s second job. Two years ago she had found a really exciting job. She now does modelling for bondage magazines. At first she only played the “victim” but now she is more the “villain”. Emma reported that she had acquired many tricks and techniques through her modelling career. Now she likes to more to be in the dominant role.

Rebecca was shocked after Emma finished her story. But only for a moment. Then she got curious and asked Emma many questions about her adventures. Emma patiently answered all of Rebecca’s questions. She noticed her friends curiosity has grown only more after that. So she decided to make Rebecca an offer:

“Do you want to try?”

Again well done on a very interesting story. I will keep an eye on this level and see what is happening with your next assignment.

Aussiegirl

[suissepervert]

Hi Aussiegirl1,

thanks for reviewing my first try. And thanks to Venom for his kind comment.

Perhaps I can carry that line on in some way later. When I wrote that part I thought about how to start a longer work.

[pejanon]

Sorry for the delay.
This a very good tease-story and very good first try.

You built up your story and when you had the readers where you wanted us – you stopped with a just a hint at further action, letting the reader build up on it. That is how the tease stories are done.

You have some expressions and word usages, which probably would not be used by native English speakers. For example: people are 2 or 3 cm shorter then others, not smaller. However, the only way to learn that is to write more. Please do so.
There are some repetitive cadences in your narrative. Some of them are good – but some are not so good. I suggest you change: “She told her that she is a secretary too, but Rebecca was shocked when she learned about Emma’s second job. Two years ago she had found a really exciting job.” To “She told her that she is a secretary. However, Rebecca was shocked when she learned about Emma’s second job. Two years ago she had found a really exciting one.”

Do not be afraid of shorter sentences and simpler expressions, that does not make the story simple. You can compress it too. For example:
“Rebecca was shocked after Emma finished her story. But only for a moment” to “For a moment Rebecca was shocked after Emma finished her story.”

If I was nit picking I could say that there is too much description versus narration in this piece but since it is obviously an opening for a longer piece and a teaser, it worked just fine.
Great job.

In fact, I think your new assignment should be – more explorations of Emma and Rebecca. but maybe in some unexpected direction.

[suissepervert]

Thanks for your review.

Ok, I try to continue a bit. Phew, an unexpected direction... Well you said maybe.

[suissepervert]

Hi,

I'm nearly finished with the second part. I'll post my second assignment in a new thread. Perhaps I will be finished this evening.