As a sub, how do you say no respectfully?

[Pearlgem]

Sir gave me a task that I did not want to do. He directed me to masturbate in front of him for thirty minutes with various toys while he watched me and had his morning coffee. I can appreciate wanting to have such a show as I love watching people masturbate, but I feel very uncomfortable being focused on like that. I would not have enjoyed myself at all, I would have felt very badly about not doing a good job because I felt so uncomfortable, and thirty minutes is a looooooong time for something like that. I probably would have ended up crying and being very upset. Masturbating is not a hard limit for me, but crying during sex is.

I refused to do the task in a very poor manner and have been duly punished. What is a good way to express my feelings about a task while being respectful? I would have been willing to start off with baby steps - like masturbating with one toy for five minutes and work up to what he wanted over time. How do I say that without 'topping from the bottom' as Sir put it?

Thanks!

A very good question, Beloved. I immediately cast my mind back to any time I said no to my Master and the dynamics of it. I have refused hard, painful things (canings) by actually walking out of the room. My Master gave me a little time to compose myself, followed me, we talked about it and I was able to eventually go back. I wasn't punished for my manner of refusal but we've since made sure between us that it wouldn't happen like that again. I know to respectfully beg him for help if I need it now and he does help me. We both much prefer this dynamic.

I've also refused him things when I got emotionally overwhelmed and needed to stop. However, I have a tendency towards emotional outburst that I used to think entirely justified if that's the depth of what I felt. I have exaggerated my distress in the past, knowing once blurted out I shouldn't have spoken to him like that, but my Master understands me very well and doesn't allow me to use strong (usually inappropriate vanilla) feelings as an excuse for disrespectful address. So he'll deal appropriately with the underlying emotions but still punish me later for the way I spoke to him. I used to think this grossly unfair but I see the difference now.

I have learned through painful experience that the best way to say no, (which is really just expressing a particular difficulty over something you should be able to do - not a hard limit) is not to repress any feelings of discomfort or unease but to express them honestly and respectfully as they arise. "Please Sir, I would find what you ask very difficult to do. I find the idea very distressing." The whole point of a BDSM interchange is that the Dom knows where the sub is at. Don't blurt your feelings out - be respectful but don't let resentment build up. Why not respectfully suggest to him a way of doing it you think you could handle? But it's your Dom's decision in the end. (You claim a hard limit on this but it may not have come to that and presumably you could stop if it happened. Your Dom may have been very pleased with the effort you made to obey him. He would have seen for himself your difficulties and perhaps had the opportunity to learn something valuable about his control of you that would otherwise be missed. Just a thought. Apologies if it's not appropriate.)

Any time I express myself to my Master 'in a very poor manner' at least I know it immediately and it's up to me whether I apologise for it right away or go on stubbornly digging that particular hole, knowing I'll pay for it later.