aligning your will to His

[Mothra!!!]

Was I always submissive for all those years and simply didn't know it? I don't know but if it fits the theory better, go ahead and think so. Is there anyone else like me?

For most of my life, I was pretty inexperienced sexually compared to other people my age, and didn't even know I was kinky until I was in my early 30s. I'm 37 now.

My will is perfectly well intact and has had years of free and intelligent interaction in the modern world. So has my pride. But there is something within me that responds to the idea of submitting my will and pride to the desires of another. It's not a soft malleability in me or the fling of a gauntlet. It's an honest desire to 'align my will to the will of another'. It's not even primarily sexual any more, or more exactly, not primarily genital. At the beginning, you think that's what it must be all about really. But I, like many others I'm sure, am increasingly discovering how submission subsumes the whole person, and that increasingly sure knowledge/feeling is what convinces me I am a 'true' submissive and not just toying with my own desires.

I can relate to this. My Owner/spouse and I have been discussing the nature of my submission for some time. I've ID'd as a switch for several years, but I am beginning to question my status as such, since my desire to dominate pretty much ends at the bedroom door while my desire to submit permeates my whole life. I am very service-oriented (I'm a clergyperson and counselor in my "day job" and I perform many of our communal household's domestic tasks) and I'm starting to understand that submission is far more integral to my real nature than the occasional desire to tie up someone and flog them for fun.

And I can only offer him my pride to break down; and find new solace in the pride of being willing and obedient and submissive to him instead of being proud of the desires I have that actually block his access to them. It's a tremendous gift for me to give (I say that with 'pride') and for him to use as he wishes, and I want to give it.

That is a lovely way of putting it. And yes, it is a gift. I have heard other Masters/Dom(mes) speak of it in this way when talking of their own slaves/subs.

I'm fortunate that my Owner is very understanding. While I have always been submissive to him, even when we first started seeing each other, there have been times when I've wrongly assumed that I knew what He wanted or needed instead of letting Him direct me. Sometimes I've even blamed myself for not doing what I thought He wanted of me, when really He never expected it at all. Part of this was bad communication early on, but part of it was due to insecurity about supposedly not being good enough for him. It took me a while to understand that I'm not the one who ought to be making that judgment.

I know my Master understands me. He understands my difficulties. He loves the idea of having this confident 21st Cen. woman grovelling at his feet. I love and desire that too.

It makes me happy that my Owner values me as a creative, intelligent, talented individual who just happens to be his property and at his disposal. Like you, I have to let my Owner break down the barriers of insecurity and ego that keep my will from aligning with his. I want that very much, too.

And I second the idea of a 30+ support group for those of us who came later to the game