Quote Originally Posted by Mothra!!! View Post
I'm fortunate that my Owner is very understanding. While I have always been submissive to him, even when we first started seeing each other, there have been times when I've wrongly assumed that I knew what He wanted or needed instead of letting Him direct me. Sometimes I've even blamed myself for not doing what I thought He wanted of me, when really He never expected it at all. Part of this was bad communication early on, but part of it was due to insecurity about supposedly not being good enough for him. It took me a while to understand that I'm not the one who ought to be making that judgment.
I like this and can relate to it. Rather than romping through 'practices', I've found we can reenact and discuss endlessly the same basic dynamics: my submission, his Domination. Over years we can do this and never get tired of it. Newer facets present themselves but there is never an end point, no more to say. It is always fascinating to us.

I am an incredibly slow learner in many ways. I need to have the same knowledge reinforced time and again before I've really got it and it's ingrained into my responses, counteracting always-insistent vanilla 'common sense' whispering in my ear. The same with my understanding of myself and him. I certainly assumed many things that did not come from him but only from my idea of what he must want. These misconceptions all have to be patiently untangled and corrected. I get cross and judgmental and resentful and fed up but I've realised it's actually with myself, not him. All I ever need to do is come to him, tell him. He can't fix what I won't tell him about. He does fix me and I've learned to trust his judgement. It seems counter intuitive in a relationship to say, 'Reveal, not your best, but your worst,' but in a BDSM one, he has to see your insecurities.