Quote Originally Posted by damyanti View Post
My point being ..for me this is no longer about exploring BDSM (i.e. trying to find "the way"), it is about exploring myself. BDSM is an individual journey, its about the distance traveled more then it is about how you "stack up" to someone else.

Personally, the older I get the younger I feel. (long story behind that, LOL)...and why I find your stories and this thread so inspirational.
First of all I have to apologise for raising the idea that I felt us subs were all in competition here to have the best sub credentials. I personally didn't get that impression, but when I raised the point of competition I think I was really expressing my own insecurities, wondering if I should be different from how I am because I didn't see anyone just like me. If I was a young, always knew I was submissive sub, I would say so too, with pride. Why not? There's nothing wrong with that; it's lovely. I am only staking a wee claim for us older, relative newbies and was simply wondering if anyone felt like me too - a little bit 'unrepresented' amongst all the dazzling youth. Our fires burn brightly too but I don't wish to diminish anyone else's flame at all!
Please feel apologised to if I have raised an unseemly thought in your mind that wasn't there before.

(However, the moment I find my g spot, YOU WILL ALL KNOW ABOUT IT, I'll make certain of that, and to heck with anyone else's feelings of inadequacy!)


I feel damyanti (above) is right (as usual.) This whole thing is a personal journey of exploration. Dare I allow myself to become a sub? What does it mean to explore this submissive nature of mine? What am I learning about myself? Lisais mine claims the only opinion that should matter is your Dom's and that's true as a measure of how much you please - it's not up to you to decide that - but your sense of self is something that you can't hand over to another, I think. It can be no other way. You don't relinquish your will after all, you align it to the will of another. (God, how brilliant is that to get back to where I started!!) There must be will and intelligence and knowledge of self, to do this. You must know, for instance, when something is not right for you, when to speak up, when to share, to communicate, to quit.

I was given some very thoughtful advice when I first made my appearance on this site and I've never forgotten it or the kindness of people who reached out and helped. If you are not thriving in your submission, there's something wrong. Your Dom should help you thrive and grow and allow you to be happy. But you are ultimately responsible for this, by making good choices to be where you want to be in the first place. God, easier said than done. We make mistakes but sometimes mistakes can be very good for us as long as we learn from them.

I'm happy and curious and sometimes unsettled; full of desires, need, contrary opinions and satisfaction. I sometimes think BDSM is a load of bollocks - sometimes I understand it and sometimes I don't. My Master would sort me out in a minute over his knee. How unreconstructed, in the modern world, is that? And yet it's wonderful to be among people who understand and share my exploration.