firstly, thanks for sharing this, and i do hope it made you feel even a tad better by writing it down for yourself and for the rest of us. what i've started to realise [even if i already knew it and had been told about it] is that in this let's-call-it-a-lifestyle both [or more] partners are in first and foremostly because they like it. As long as I like it and you like it and we're a couple, we're fine. Even though there are many differences between vanilla and D/s couples [sorry to the poly folks out there, i'm just typing on a more personal level, so i'll keep to what i know] the core of ANY relationship, any at all, is that all parties are in it because they want to be in it. There are no have to's and musts, if what you want is clear in your head, then go for it. If it isn't, tell those who need to know. The way i see it, any relationship you form with any person gives you the opportunity to give something to them and to take whatever they have to give to you. Keep your eyes open, your ears open and your mind open. So what if you don't like something that would send another sub into subspace? If you can't fun with your lover/Dom/Daddy/Master then who will?!