Non-SSC experiences?

[angela_shy]

what have you done that in retrospect was Not SSC?
what do you wish you had done instead?

[leah06]

I said on another thread, rather sanctimoniously, I'm afraid, oh, well, of course I always use a condom. But once I didn't. That wasn't safe or sane, and the fact that it was consensual just says something about me. I have possibly taken risks in my life, but that was the riskiest.

Having dodged a bullet, the only thing you can do is be sure you never have to dodge it again. If you've done something risky yourself, angela_shy, just be glad that you are here to post about it, and resolve to take better care of yourself the next time.

[Ozme52]

Remember, something unsafe or unsane, with a little practice becomes safe and sane.
The edge retreats as you get experience in walking it.

Hopefully no one has done anything non-consensual... except maybe within their own head.

[SilverWulf]

There are things that happen every day that are not safe and most of what we do could be considered to be outside the bounds of sanity, according to some.

Everything we do is always consensual.

To me, SSC is archaic and doesn't work. RACK is much better.

[angelic.zest]

not really, thankfully i never really had to worry about something that wasnt SSC...

I have gone to meet up with ppl from the internet(a vanilla meeting) where i didnt have a safe call...but that was before i knew about BDSM or safe calls etc. Now i am more prepared when i meet ppl in real time. As Oz said, "something unsafe or unsane, with a little practice becomes safe and sane." So yes, with practice and talking with people, i can now say...i try to practice SSC with everything i do!

[Ozme52]

To me, SSC is archaic and doesn't work. RACK is much better.

Semantics in my opinion. And basically, I agree.

[angela_shy]

Semantics in my opinion. And basically, I agree.

i'm slightly in the dark here - can you please explain why you agree SSC is archaic, and RACK better, yet believe it is all semantics? there is possibly a subtlety in difference you mean...
...perhaps a different thread exists discussing this... will look!

[angela_shy]

I said on another thread, rather sanctimoniously, I'm afraid, oh, well, of course I always use a condom. But once I didn't. That wasn't safe or sane, and the fact that it was consensual just says something about me. I have possibly taken risks in my life, but that was the riskiest.

Having dodged a bullet, the only thing you can do is be sure you never have to dodge it again. If you've done something risky yourself, angela_shy, just be glad that you are here to post about it, and resolve to take better care of yourself the next time.

well, risk can be a big turn-on! (yes - i've done it too)

but that particular risk is something that needs careful management well before one is out of one's head with lust... relates to SW's RACK comment i suspect - one should discuss while capable of clear thought, not just consent at the time your body is stewing in hormones.

easier said than done sometimes...

[leah06]

Well, I wasn't out of my head with lust, but there were some other things going on. Being safe, and this isn't just about the condom, but just in general, can be awkward and embarrassing sometimes. Insisting on a full name and address can feel weird, refusing to take someone in your car, that kind of thing, especially when you're attracted enough to think of having sex with the person. I mean, you know it's safe and sane and all that, but in terms of feeling there is a disconnect.

So after the whole condom thing I gave this a lot of thought, and here's what I came up with. It sounds sanctimonious, again, but this is just my take on it and what I learned for myself. Rules aren't for when they clearly apply. If you're with someone and think, oops, this is really someone I don't want in my car, or whatever, then you don't need a rule to tell you what to do. You already know. Rules are for when they DON'T clearly apply. For the super-nice guy who says he's clean. For the hot guy that you want to impress too much to ask to see his ID before you fuck him. Those are the times when you want to argue with the rule, to say, this is a special case and the rule doesn't apply here. And for me, I've decided, no. I thought of these safety rules when I was focused and aware and knew that things aren't always what they seem, or why would we need them? So I will always follow my rules, no exceptions, because if I have to rethink them every time, then they're not rules, they're just good ideas.

Since that thing with the condom I've been able to stick to this. It's been awkward sometimes, and of course in retrospect it's felt wholly unnecessary because I've never actually been with someone dangerous and scary, but even though I've been tempted to forego a rule at the time, I've never looked back and thought, oh, I wish I'd been LESS safe.

I hope I'm not hijacking your thread. I know that SSC usually refers to how you play, and not how you get there, but to me these things are basic and more important, in a way, than how stringent the bondage is.

[Arria]

My hubby was a founding member of the first German BDSM association, and he tells me that the concept of "SSC" was only invented for the sake of the vanilla community. The reason for it was to point out to the vanilla folks that there IS a difference between BDSM and abuse!

He thinks it rather funny that huge parts of the BDSM crowd, especially the less experienced and new ones, are trying so hard to fit this concept of SSC.

The line is very difficult to draw - how many things have subs done for their doms that they were afraid of / did not want to do to begin with / evolved from being a hard limit to a soft limit and finally into something that was actually desired? Are these things already "not SSC"?

[Pearlgem]

Rules aren't for when they clearly apply. If you're with someone and think, oops, this is really someone I don't want in my car, or whatever, then you don't need a rule to tell you what to do. You already know. Rules are for when they DON'T clearly apply. For the super-nice guy who says he's clean. For the hot guy that you want to impress too much to ask to see his ID before you fuck him. Those are the times when you want to argue with the rule, to say, this is a special case and the rule doesn't apply here. And for me, I've decided, no. I thought of these safety rules when I was focused and aware and knew that things aren't always what they seem, or why would we need them? So I will always follow my rules, no exceptions, because if I have to rethink them every time, then they're not rules, they're just good ideas.

Excellent clarification, rachel, especially as it's come to you from good, solid personal experience and a bit of thought. Our rules can alter a little over time and with experience, I guess, but once we decide what they should be, keep to them. We can all benefit from the above. Thanks. x x

[Ozme52]

i'm slightly in the dark here - can you please explain why you agree SSC is archaic, and RACK better, yet believe it is all semantics? there is possibly a subtlety in difference you mean...
...perhaps a different thread exists discussing this... will look!

Risky appeals more than safe. Whether you're talking about physical safety, or legal safety (exhibitionism can beget you a record, a fine, perhaps even jail time depending on who sees you whom you weren't aware of...) or relationship risky, Risk is more appealing.

But as I said earlier, what you determine to be risky today is perfectly safe later on if you've done it enough.

For example. If you were confronted with an oncoming car... hurtling toward you... risky or safe? Is there a line painted on the road between where you're standing and the path of the car? What if you were up on a curb? Risky or safe? We're talking tons of metal. Instant death if a mistake is made by either party. But you do it all the time. Risk aware or do you actually feel safe because it's uncommon for something to go wrong.

To me... it's one and the same.

(But if there was something sexually appealing to doing so... I'd prefer to be on the street than on the curb... because as safe as it appears to be, the closer to the edge of the better.)

Risk perception is worth a lot, otherwise, why skydive instead of merely parachuting (using a tether-line) out of a plane? But they're virtually identical when it comes to accident rates.

[Ozme52]

My hubby was a founding member of the first German BDSM association, and he tells me that the concept of "SSC" was only invented for the sake of the vanilla community. The reason for it was to point out to the vanilla folks that there IS a difference between BDSM and abuse!

Yes, I've read about that perspective. And then, later, when the vanilla folk said... "But how could it be safe to do xyz" RACK was "invented" and later when vanilla folk argued that being aware of the risk doesn't absolve the participants from needing protection from themselves... some began to use WISWD (what it is we do) and to hell with trying to justify ourselves.

[lucy]

Can someone please explain RACK?

(and as a side note: It would be nice when someone using an abbreviation for the first time in a thread would spell it out. That's how it's done in journalism too. Just my two cents, though.
And yeah, i could look it up of course, but it's kinda tiring if you have to jump out of reading a thread all the time to look up stuff.)

[miners_girl]

Can someone please explain RACK?

(and as a side note: It would be nice when someone using an abbreviation for the first time in a thread would spell it out. That's how it's done in journalism too. Just my two cents, though.
And yeah, i could look it up of course, but it's kinda tiring if you have to jump out of reading a thread all the time to look up stuff.)

I know what you mean- I looked up what it meant because neither my Master or I had heard the phrase-he has always used SSC- It means Risk Aware, consensual kink or Risk-accepted consensual kink.

[Arria]

I thought everybody was familiar with the terms... here is a link:

http://www.withinreality.com/rackssc.html

"RACK = Risk Aware Consensual Kink
SSC = Safe Sane Consensual

SSC has been the BDSM slogan for many years. It is the catch phrase that a lot of people use in the community. RACK has surfaced in the last several years. I would like you to consider the intent or spirit in the differences in the terms SSC and RACK

Here is how Webster’s defines….Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

Safe
1 : free from harm or risk : UNHURT

Sane
1 : proceeding from a sound mind : RATIONAL
2 : mentally sound; especially : able to anticipate and appraise the effect of one's actions
3 : healthy in body

Consensual
1 a : existing or made by mutual consent without an act of writing (a consensual contract)
b : involving or based on mutual consent (consensual acts)

===================================

Risk
1 : possibility of loss or injury : PERIL
2 : someone or something that creates or suggests a hazard

Aware
1 : archaic : WATCHFUL, WARY
2 : having or showing realization, perception, or knowledge - aware·ness noun

Consensual
1 a : existing or made by mutual consent without an act of writing (a consensual contract)
b : involving or based on mutual consent (consensual acts)

Kink
1 : a short tight twist or curl caused by a doubling or winding of something upon itself
2 a : a mental or physical peculiarity : ECCENTRICITY, QUIRK b : WHIM
3 : a clever unusual way of doing something
4 : a cramp in some part of the body
5 : an imperfection likely to cause difficulties in the operation of something

SSC… safe sane consensual...when you say it out loud it seems pretty clear. So you are either safe or not, sane or not, consensual or not, right? But how does each of us define and set the standard for SSC is unclear.

RACK…the intent of RACK is education and awareness. You should try to know as much as you can about what you are doing...be aware of the risk. Do you consent or have cosent - and also know the different forms it takes. If you are aware of your risk and you consent to it - go forward. That is the "spirit" of RACK. There is no, "this is safe and this is not." There is only safer and less safe.

The difference between the two terms is even more clear when the spirit of them is applied in the public scene.

When watching a scene that may involve some heavy risk you might hear the person next to you whisper to their partner "they shouldn't do that...its unsafe…that is a dangerous Dominant" - that is the spirit of SSC.

If you hear whispered "I wonder if he knows the risk involved in doing that....I wonder if he does "this" it could be made safer....I think I will tell him about it later after his scene" - that is the "spirit" of RACK.

Just as we might look at a shade of blue and someone calls it midnight blue and I might call it navy blue. We all see things differently. We all react to things differently - so how can I say that something is unsafe for someone when we are different and handle/deal with life differently.

Another example: blood play may be a hard limit for someone and they may feel that it is NOT safe or sane plus they would never consent to it. Someone else may enjoy blood play and feel that it is safe and sane, and they frequently consent to it. With SSC, one of those people has to be right and the other person has to be wrong. It can't be both ways.

The spirit of SSC has become one of you either are or you are not safe, sane and consensual. And that is completely relative. The intent of RACK is not what others think you should or shouldn't risk, but that of increasing awareness and making informed decisions on what you choose to risk."

[SilverWulf]

Can someone please explain RACK?

(and as a side note: It would be nice when someone using an abbreviation for the first time in a thread would spell it out. That's how it's done in journalism too. Just my two cents, though.
And yeah, i could look it up of course, but it's kinda tiring if you have to jump out of reading a thread all the time to look up stuff.)

So from now on we will all spell out 'laughing out loud' before using the abbreviation, along with all the others that are regularly used... Just in case there is someone who doesn't know a term that is a common lifestyle abbreviation and used virtually ever day... got it.

[lucy]

yeah, lol (laughing out loud), i sure like sarcasm, roflmao (rolling on the floor laughing my ass off)

Edit: coming to think of it: that was a shitty answer (mine, that is. Won't comment on yours). I just want to point out that you've got a couple of new folks here every day and quite a lot of them are NOT used to the lifestyle and its specific abbreviations yet and/or their native tongue is not english.

[Miner]

So from now on we will all spell out 'laughing out loud' before using the abbreviation, along with all the others that are regularly used... Just in case there is someone who doesn't know a term that is a common lifestyle abbreviation and used virtually ever day... got it.

Now, if everyone knew everything, you'd have a point. However, there are newbies on here as well as people who don't live in acronym heaven...so haluah (oh - sorry - how about lightening up)

[SilverWulf]

Top of the page, third option from the right... it says 'search'. Right click and open in a new window or new tab, no need to leave the discussion you are currently in to get a definition for something you may not be familiar with.

[miners_girl]

I had a totally insane, unsafe, but entirely consensual experience that has left me with some long term although relatively minor damage to my breasts- I did everything you weren't supposed to do.

alcohol
inexperience
badly thought out.

I shudder to think of it even now, several years later.

[SilverWulf]

Almost everyone on this site is more than willing to help others learn and answer questions about any imaginable subject. IF the person asking is willing to do some work on their own, which includes searching previous threads (or even google) to find answers to common questions first.

When it is clear that a person has looked around and can't find the answer or needs clarification on some research they have done, I as well as many others are happy to help out.

When it is clear that someone is unwilling to use a simple search to get the answer they seek, I and many others are not going to be so welcoming.

We're a friendly bunch for the most part, but don't expect us to do research for you, and don't get upset when you get told to go and search for something on your own. (generic you, not intended for anyone in particular)

[Miner]

Almost everyone on this site is more than willing to help others learn and answer questions about any imaginable subject. IF the person asking is willing to do some work on their own, which includes searching previous threads (or even google) to find answers to common questions first.

When it is clear that a person has looked around and can't find the answer or needs clarification on some research they have done, I as well as many others are happy to help out.

When it is clear that someone is unwilling to use a simple search to get the answer they seek, I and many others are not going to be so welcoming.

We're a friendly bunch for the most part, but don't expect us to do research for you, and don't get upset when you get told to go and search for something on your own. (generic you, not intended for anyone in particular)

yes - however - explaining acronyms the first time they show up is just a matter of manners. It doesn't cost anything to be polite to the newbies. And while I've been around for a long time, RACK is not a term I'd encountered before either (except for the rack, of course, which is a totally different subject).

[angela_shy]

goodness - perhaps we should have a course entitled "Introduction to BDSM", and maybe "BDSM For Advanced Users"...

...imagine the practical exam - LMAO

i read about RACK and SSC when i first read about BDSM just a few months ago, although didn't really understand the differences... Thanks Arria for the very clear explanation!

[angela_shy]

I had a totally insane, unsafe, but entirely consensual experience that has left me with some long term although relatively minor damage to my breasts- I did everything you weren't supposed to do.

alcohol
inexperience
badly thought out.

I shudder to think of it even now, several years later.

thanks so much miners_girl, for sharing this.

it was exactly the kind of thing i wondered about. we hear all sorts of wonderful, sometimes very erotic stories of folks' experiences, but i wondered whether there was a less exposed aspect that we can learn from...

surely expressing regret or discussing negative experiences should not be taboo, especially not here. maybe i'm wrong... but i sometimes wonder if they are felt to be a little taboo, since i don't see much discussion.

[Ozme52]

goodness - perhaps we should have a course entitled "Introduction to BDSM", and maybe "BDSM For Advanced Users"...

...imagine the practical exam - LMAO

i read about RACK and SSC when i first read about BDSM just a few months ago, although didn't really understand the differences... Thanks Arria for the very clear explanation!

Unless Miner decides to call you out for introducing another acronym, BDSM (Bondage Discilpline Sasdism Masochism,) without spelling it out first.

[miners_girl]

goodness - perhaps we should have a course entitled "Introduction to BDSM", and maybe "BDSM For Advanced Users"...

...imagine the practical exam - LMAO

i read about RACK and SSC when i first read about BDSM just a few months ago, although didn't really understand the differences... Thanks Arria for the very clear explanation!

I'd only heard of S.S.C.- I hadn't realised until I did some research the other day- (after I read this thread) for R.A.C.K. that there was a debate going on the larger BDSM community due to general dissatisfaction with the SSC term. Arria's explanation was certainly the clearest I'd seen- far better than most of the sites I'd looked at.

MMM- pratical exam would be fascinating....guess there'd be an oral section to it too! LOL

thanks so much miners_girl, for sharing this.

it was exactly the kind of thing i wondered about. we hear all sorts of wonderful, sometimes very erotic stories of folks' experiences, but i wondered whether there was a less exposed aspect that we can learn from...

surely expressing regret or discussing negative experiences should not be taboo, especially not here. maybe i'm wrong... but i sometimes wonder if they are felt to be a little taboo, since i don't see much discussion.

I've had a look round and there does seem to be some discussion about how we can be endangered/exploited and to watch out for predators but in the situation I was in- we were both totally at fault and there does seem to be less discussion on that .

Basically what I learnt from it was never ever drink alcohol and then play.

Although in a roundabout way, after several years, and a couple of false starts, it is what brought me to the rather wonderful place I am now.

[Veralynne]

RACK is an incredibly common acronym in the BDSM world. If you are on a BDSM website, you shouldn't demand that people spell out every acronym already commonly accepted in the lifestyle. Again.. if you ask about it, I'm sure people will be likely to explain (shout out to Arria), but you shouldn't criticize people for using the acronyms without spelling them out. Not only that... but there is google, and wikipedia, and all sorts of other things that could tell you. I mean... the opening post used "SSC" without explaining it, so don't be angry if other posters behave similarly.

[Pearlgem]

I'm glad somebody explained it! I always thought RACK stood for Ripped Anal Care Kit.

[leah06]

Oh for God's sake, people, lighten up. There's no need to get your underwear in a bunch because someone makes a suggestion. You know what? If you want to use an acronym and NOT spell it out first, that's OK. (Oh, I mean, that's okay.) Jeez.