Quote Originally Posted by leo9 View Post
...she phoned me, she told me I had gone way too far and abused her irresponsibly. Um, but, you had a safeword, right? We did talk about it before, right? Well, yes, she allowed, but I forgot I had it!
...she said that she hadn't been sure if she had been abused, so she asked a friend, who said it sounded like it... How do you need to be told if you've been abused?
this sounds like she consented, but had trouble coming to terms with what she had consented to, unless you just weren't reading her properly, which probably depends how well you knew her (played a couple of times... ).

i guess one approach is to work up to scenes like this gradually... either with lots and lots of discussion, or a good number of tamer real life scenes... that way, the Dom gets to know the sub's reactions, and the sub gradually adjusts to significant elements.

just guessing here, but maybe the non-SSC element was rushing into something ambitious...?