Life

[Mizar]

When we had sex we were immature and already talking about marriage etc. so it seemed "fine" because we were going to be married. and as to why I said Id think about it instead of yes. I wanted to say yes, but one of the first things I had done, since it seemed like it wasnt going to work out, was drowned out any thoughts of her by being with another girl, and I didnt want to say yes, and then tell that girl hey...um...later. because I hate hurting people (emotionaly) so I told her I had to think about it and also I wanted to make sure that, since I wasnt in the relationship, if I could see it with the "rose colored glasses" off. As to space...we did/I did take some space, I ended everything and looked and Im quite bipolar (not official) but some days and times I feel like....ok fine, shit happens and this is what people do etc. and some days its like...hey I cant deal with this, and quite honestly its only when I meet a girl that hasnt done those things that it upsets me when they have sex for the first time etc. if I meet them and theyve slept with 100 people, meh, it doesnt really bother me...because I wasnt involved at all in the situation perse. as to friends, believe me, I have realized this, I kept hanging out with those old friends because I had known them for years, and I do now choose my friends on quality, and I have for some time now.

As to forgiveness, shes...quite defiant as in she regrets it and whatnot, but she doesnt view it as needing forgiveness because we werent dating. And while this is technicaly true, its not how I feel on the matter. and to what she has to do to resume the relationship, I have racked my mind and I cant find a single thing in my own thoughts that would...make it easier or seem like she does regret it and whatnot for the whole forgiveness, although she has asked me to punish her and whatnot I dont know what I would do etc. and it doesnt help that before I was in Illinois where she is, and now I have moved to Virginia. And I am quite bad on the whole distance punishment, it only makes me feel so good and like it acomplished something as opposed to if I was there and it was my hand or in person I watched her do it etc.

I thank you both, deeply, for the insight, for as Oz said, I have only put out so much of the situation and you can only give insight from your own experiences, but seeing as I am quite young, 19, and I have really only experienced things with her in life. All I can ask for is what someone elses experiences have tought them and see what seems correct and see where these choices and my life lead me so that I may gain my own experiences.

And my "friend" isnt a good friend at all in response the other two are still possible truths but as for a fact, he isnt a good friend and Ive known this for quite some time, but I had thought after everything Ive done for him etc. he would do the one thing I asked of him and was serious about and really meant, watch her and make sure shes ok. I thought he would attempt it anyways but I thought she would stop him atleast, but of course being the son of a bitch he is, he waited till she was having a really bad time with her family, school was bad, work was stressing her out, her friends were pissed at her, and I had just essentialy told her I wouldnt date her, for him to come on to her.