I take it from your discription that this is an online only relationship so far?

Is she also a member here and if not why?

There is a wide variety of rescources here at the Library for ideas and trainning for both doms and subs, just browse through the many sections of the forums, ecpeccially the tasking society (which btw joining the Society would really help any dom/sub new or otherwise).

Well first of all you need to comunicate with her and let her decide how much control she wants you to have over her.

Apparently she doesnt want you telling her what to do in her personal life when she is away from the computer. (based on the small ammount of information you have provided)

Any punnishment you do come up with will have to be mutallly decided other wise she is very unlikely to comply.

I am vehemently opposed to any punnishment that would reduce her access/time on the web or access to bdsm knowledge in general including the chatroom (many people learn a lot in the chatroom here as its not just for cyber sex).

As for her "acting out" are you sure thats what she is doing or is she just a very independent woman and not ready to relinquish control or believes she is being playful or spirited?

In any event you need to include her in this proccess, it is afterall like all relationships a two way street.