just to answer some of your questions, and thanks for the reply, yes, it has been completely an online, over the phone relationship so far. she is very very submissive, and likes to have strict structure and rules that she has to follow. she has no problem with me telling her who she can hang out with, what she can do, and basically completely controling her personal life. she is not independant at all. she has to have someone in her life to take the reins and be in control. and, yes, as for her acting out, thats exactly what she is doing because, when we first started this, i wasnt very strict with her (mainly because i wasnt sure how strict i could be and was always worried she would get mad at me) and now she thinks she can keep acting out. she intentinally does things to get me mad, and she has told me that because she says she wants to have me get upset with her and control her. no, she isnt a member here. she has been in two other BDSM relationships and im pretty sure she feels she is an expert, if that even makes sense cause i know there is always learning to be done. in any event, i appreciate you response, and i will def search through this web site for ideas. thanks