New and looking for help

[inabind]

i recently started dating a female sub. i've never experianced this lifestyle before, so im really looking for help in being a good dom. currently my sub and i are in a long distance relationship. she really wants me to get into this, so she pushes her limits to see what i will do. she back talks, goes out when i tell her not to, and other things. im having a hard time coming up with ways to punish her when we are so far apart. and i know thats why she is acting out because she knows i wont do anything to punish her. and its' not that i dont want to, cause i do. i want her to listen to me, i just dont know what kinds of things to do that makes for good punishments. so im really looking for some dom advice about ways to punish when you are in a long distance relationship. thanks

[denuseri]

I take it from your discription that this is an online only relationship so far?

Is she also a member here and if not why?

There is a wide variety of rescources here at the Library for ideas and trainning for both doms and subs, just browse through the many sections of the forums, ecpeccially the tasking society (which btw joining the Society would really help any dom/sub new or otherwise).

Well first of all you need to comunicate with her and let her decide how much control she wants you to have over her.

Apparently she doesnt want you telling her what to do in her personal life when she is away from the computer. (based on the small ammount of information you have provided)

Any punnishment you do come up with will have to be mutallly decided other wise she is very unlikely to comply.

I am vehemently opposed to any punnishment that would reduce her access/time on the web or access to bdsm knowledge in general including the chatroom (many people learn a lot in the chatroom here as its not just for cyber sex).

As for her "acting out" are you sure thats what she is doing or is she just a very independent woman and not ready to relinquish control or believes she is being playful or spirited?

In any event you need to include her in this proccess, it is afterall like all relationships a two way street.

[inabind]

just to answer some of your questions, and thanks for the reply, yes, it has been completely an online, over the phone relationship so far. she is very very submissive, and likes to have strict structure and rules that she has to follow. she has no problem with me telling her who she can hang out with, what she can do, and basically completely controling her personal life. she is not independant at all. she has to have someone in her life to take the reins and be in control. and, yes, as for her acting out, thats exactly what she is doing because, when we first started this, i wasnt very strict with her (mainly because i wasnt sure how strict i could be and was always worried she would get mad at me) and now she thinks she can keep acting out. she intentinally does things to get me mad, and she has told me that because she says she wants to have me get upset with her and control her. no, she isnt a member here. she has been in two other BDSM relationships and im pretty sure she feels she is an expert, if that even makes sense cause i know there is always learning to be done. in any event, i appreciate you response, and i will def search through this web site for ideas. thanks

[Mizar]

I have very similar problems with My sub. and honestly...you need to make her listen, as in sit down and talk with her. start off vanilla even. eventualy get it to be more of a D/s conversation and then start setting down rules etc. make it gradual to D/s through the conversation. do this after looking around here and knowing what to say and any punishments etc. I have found My sub at least slightly more receptive after using this tactic. best of luck to you.