I have very similar problems with My sub. and honestly...you need to make her listen, as in sit down and talk with her. start off vanilla even. eventualy get it to be more of a D/s conversation and then start setting down rules etc. make it gradual to D/s through the conversation. do this after looking around here and knowing what to say and any punishments etc. I have found My sub at least slightly more receptive after using this tactic. best of luck to you.