Very good thread, TT. I hope your sub friend finds it useful.

My Master is a sadist and it is indeed all about control. Control is what makes the difference between abusive sadism and the consensual BDSM variety. My Master gets great sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on me - which is why he's a sadist, of course - although I don't take equal masochistic delight in it. My deep submissive pleasure comes from my surrender to his wishes. Your friend, TT, will find her own responses to pain in due course, safely and happily, I hope.

The thing is, my Master can't enjoy what he does unless he's in control of it. What we do is therefore ritualised, drawn out, savoured - managed. What he does is designed to hurt me, but I can feel confident it's never going to harm me in any way or go too far. (You can always take more pain than you think you can, but that's for another thread.) I always feel controlled, looked after, well managed. I can trust my Master absolutely in this. For instance, he has never had to, nor will he ever have to apologise for 'going too far'. If that were ever the case, just once, all trust would be lost. He's interested in pushing around the edges of my pain tolerances, but the whole process is only pleasurable and meaningful to him if it's done in a controlled, measured and sane way than if he just 'beat the crap out of me'.

I wish your friend safe exploration with a good and wise Dom, TT.

Regards,

Pearlgem x x