We've been living together 11 years. My J doesn't fear me as she knows she'll never be purposefully harmed. She fears, hates, and needs the pain. She's a classic masochist. She gets sexual pleasure from the pain. Orgasms from breast torture, cropping, etc as an example. I need to inflict pain. The power rush, the sexual arousal, the absolute knowledge that I am in control of myself despite my desire to go much further, all add up for me. I find it very unsatisfactory to have sex without inflicting some level of pain on my partner. We match perfectly. It took both of us years and many mistakes to find each other. I'm inclined to be closer to that dangerous end of the sadistic spectrum as opposed to the casual, so testing my control regularly is a big deal to me.

As a newbie, be overly careful, it's your life, your body, and your psyche so go slowly and trust your gut, not your pussy or his smooth words. The single biggest mistake I've seen over the years from folks newer to this stuff we do is going way too fast way too soon.