*hugs* i don't think you're too nice! Personally i could never imagine playing/being with someone who didn't have my best interests at heart, and (as you know) that means cuddles and affirmation as well as a firm hand and a rough fuck. In actual relationships (i'm talking aside from the D/s dynamic atm) this care is so central, imho, because it creates a basis on which other needs (besides sexual) are met, for BOTH parties. Additionally, in respects to BDSM, it creates a mutual concern on the sub's side. If the Dom/me takes good care of the sub, naturally the sub is going to want to be their best for the Dom/me.

i think the best Dom/mes have a care for aspects of their pets other than their submission. The best Dom/mes nurture creativity, intellect, and a variety of other traits -- and you can't do that all with a crop.

*more hugs* i just don't think the people who tell you that you are too nice know shit, if you want my honest opinion.