Well, since I don't have that much experience with the scene and since handing out advice in such a delicate matter is a venture on rather thin ice, I can only suggest to try and work out a scheme with your wife, to give you the possibility to seek 'help' outside the marital cradle.
Have a talk about an eventual on-line relationship, for starters. See where that leads, both the talk and the on-line thing.
For a more in-depth chat about your 'problem', I fear I'm going to have to let more experienced folk take over...
I also wonder what you've been doing with your 'urge' so far, since you're 38 and all...
I sincerely hope for an outcome that will be satisfactory for all parties involved. Good luck scb2164
JJ