Education... where is it these days?

[The Lord Winter]

I think the notion of educating new people to BDSM is a noble notion, but one that presents more unsolvable problems than it can be possible fathom.

I'm glad that you agree at least that the notion is noble, but if no one attempts it, how are we to maintain the barely accepted status of our lifestyle in the eyes of global society? Already, we are faced with laws that restrict BDSM in the printed word. Laws on the practice of BDSM are sure to follow.

For instance, in the opening post the OP states that we can educate newbies on simple things like the difference between submissives and slaves. However even this one simple concept is fraught with differences in definition amongst life-stylers that results in no clear definition at all. That is unless you subscribe to the pigeon hole idea of a label for roles the majority believes in.

WTF? you might ask. Well some people have one definition for submissive, and a different definition for slave. Yet another person will say that the definition you give for submissive is their definition for slave. So you then enter into a problem of what definition to use, and if you try to give a newbie a definition they should use, you are condemning them to using your rules for their style of BDSM. As we all know BDSM is as individual to each person as are our fingerprints. All have similarities to call them fingerprints, but are all different. The same idea applies to BDSM. We all have our own style, but it is similar enough we can all call it BDSM.

Well, my friend, the consequences of not pigeon-holing it are more severe than the consequences of doing so.

A submissive is someone who gives up control in a BDSM relationship with the expectation of being able to demand that her/his needs be met, he/she is also able to walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason, collared or not. A submissive is also able to set limits. From a Dom's point of view, a sub is someone to be claimed, someone to be collared, but never truly owned.

A slave is someone who defines their pleasure through pleasing their master. His/her own needs are always secondary to the master's. This first part is from the perspective of a slave's mentality. From the eyes of a Master, the slave has no rights at all, is a piece of property to be used as the owner sees fit. They do not have the right to walk away, though they are perfectly welcome to beg for release, which may or may not be granted.

The consequences of not setting even this most basic of definitions are quite dire. They invite unscrupulous Doms to twist the definitions so that they may trick a new submissive into believing that he/she has no rights at all, and thus institute entrapment and abuse from a position of gross deception. I must disagree with you here, Dawg, the potential for harm is just too great to ignore.

As for issues of style, that is another matter of entirety. You speak of principles, what are these if not rules that a competent Dom should follow? How is a submissive to expect that she will be treated fairly, be kept safe while giving up power through trust, if her Dom's principles are not a hard and fast set of rules to which he holds himself accountable, and is held to account by his peers as well? Principles vary in their interpretation as well, and if we do not organize them into a set of standards we will fall prey to the old adage "You have to stand for something, or you will fall for anything".

I do agree with you, however, on your final point of educating people on proper application of techniques with the tools of our trade, however. There is a right and wrong way to swing a flogger, a whip, and just about any other impact instrument we use, and for safety's sake alone, educating others in the proper application of these tools should be paramount.

Well, time to pass the soapbox to someone else.