Education... where is it these days?

[_ID_]

Well, my friend, the consequences of not pigeon-holing it are more severe than the consequences of doing so.

I disagree.

A submissive is someone who gives up control in a BDSM relationship with the expectation of being able to demand that her/his needs be met, he/she is also able to walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason, collared or not. A submissive is also able to set limits. From a Dom's point of view, a sub is someone to be claimed, someone to be collared, but never truly owned.

A slave is someone who defines their pleasure through pleasing their master. His/her own needs are always secondary to the master's. This first part is from the perspective of a slave's mentality. From the eyes of a Master, the slave has no rights at all, is a piece of property to be used as the owner sees fit. They do not have the right to walk away, though they are perfectly welcome to beg for release, which may or may not be granted.

And therein lies the crux of the problem with your vision.

The entire lifestyle is based on consensuality. The moment you remove that you commit what is called false imprisonment or in some places kidnapping. Both slave and submissive must have the ability to leave a relationship should they desire. This single requirement invalidates your definition, and makes the definition of submissive and slave nearly impossible to define for everyone.

The better way to proceed would be to give someone who's new an idea of what a slave mindset might be based on, and what a submissive mindset might be based on. Then let them decide how they want to apply either or neither to their relationship.

For example, you did say that a slave derives pleasure out of serving their Master. This a submissive can also do. Derive pleasure out of serving their dominant. A foot rub, cleaning house in a maids outfit are two examples that can be done by either submissive or slave. It is the mindset while doing so, and the context in which it is done that makes the difference. Both are individual to the people involved, and so makes it impossible to define.

As for issues of style, that is another matter of entirety. You speak of principles, what are these if not rules that a competent Dom should follow? How is a submissive to expect that she will be treated fairly, be kept safe while giving up power through trust, if her Dom's principles are not a hard and fast set of rules to which he holds himself accountable, and is held to account by his peers as well? Principles vary in their interpretation as well, and if we do not organize them into a set of standards we will fall prey to the old adage "You have to stand for something, or you will fall for anything".

Principles are not rules, they are principles. Rules are laws, and save for the consensuality aspect of our lifestyle, there are no hard and fast rules or laws. So how is a sub to expect to be treated fairly you ask? By negotiating the conditions of their submission. Each person, bottom/submissive/slave, does this before entering into a relationship with a Top/Dominant/Master. How else would you be able to come to an agreement of what safe words to use, what things are limits, both hard and soft? Once those conditions have been agreed upon, the person submitting, be it a single scene or a 24/7 relationship, has the expectation that the Top/Dominant/Master will respect those boundaries. Not doing so removes the consensuality aspect I mentioned earlier, and becomes abuse. People who are abusive have no business in BDSM, nor any relationship for that matter.

I do agree with you, however, on your final point of educating people on proper application of techniques with the tools of our trade, however. There is a right and wrong way to swing a flogger, a whip, and just about any other impact instrument we use, and for safety's sake alone, educating others in the proper application of these tools should be paramount.

There are multiple ways to swing a flogger. The key is knowing what areas not to hit, and how to prevent serious injury. There are multiple ways to use a cane, knowing how to prevent serious injury with it is the part we can pass on. Technique for either is something we can show, and let the person learning decide for themselves if that is the technique they wish to use. So is it windmill or Florentine for swinging a flogger, wrap-arounds or not when striking the body? Some people want the wrap-arounds, some don't. Some people can't do windmill, some can't do Florentine, so give both, and let them decide. Again principles of technique, rules of consensuality and what areas of the body to avoid are things we teach, the rest is up to them to define for themselves.