I think maybe TLW's original point is that there's a fine line between being a "SAM" or a brat, and just being a complete bratty bitch (pardon the vulgarity, it's making a point). Maybe it's a point that is lost on those who don't partake in our site's chatroom, or another chatroom on another site (I can't speak to those--I don't participate in other sites' chatrooms)... rather than a point driven directly at Forums postings (though I have seen it in forums postings as well).

Often times, I think there is confusion with what a collar is. There are a few reasons for this, and they were described well by Oz in another thread here on the forums (can't remember if it was a pre or post crash thread). But basically it boils down to the fact that people use a collar to describe MANY different things: "I am protecting you from others," all the way to "You are my property." In chat, some people have "tags" on their names, others don't (but have their tag listed in their profiles), and others have nothing listed at all. So there can be a LOT of confusion over someone's status. There can also just be a lot of confusion over what the collar means for someone-- in chat, there are a lot of Dom/mes who "collar" 5+ subs, intending simply to have a bunch of play partners, not to have submissive relationships. Are you confused yet? Because trust me, most people are. And this is what leads to a LOT of the crossed-communication lines regarding collaring.

As for personal responsibility... it all really boils down to personal responsibility, doesn't it? This is an adult website-- everyone is responsible for their own behavior. Dom/mes are not allowed to come into chat and "defend" their submissives, nor are they allowed to take action on behalf of their submissives in chat. We don't allow it because it creates a LOT of chaos. If there are issues, the submissives are big boys & girls, they can handle the problems or they can take it up w/chat staff--there's no need to bring the Dom/mes into the problem. Perhaps this "festers" the problems TLW was talking about--the bratiness, the childish behavior, etc, amoungst the subs. However, I would urge people to look at it from another perspective: where is the personal responsibility? Everyone's behavior is their own. Everyone is responsible for what they type, and what they say. No one can hide behind a collar, a Dom/me, or a relationship. What they do is theirs to own.

IDCrewDawg mentioned that many people come into chat to just "get a release" from their real lives--that is very true. Many other people come into chat to learn about BDSM. Often times, these goals conflict. This is why we have the option for folks to create other rooms to go into, so that they can get out of the Lobby area. This is also why we encourage folks to take certain non-BDSM discussions to other rooms if the discussions are taking over the lobby & the lobby is busy. It isn't to be mean, it is simply to allow everyone to enjoy the chat room. We also have a wide array of people coming into chat: those that live the life r/l, those that live it o/l, those that have been in lifestyle for 20+ yrs, those that are brand new that very day, Dom/mes, switches, subs, slaves, Tops, bottoms, and everything in between, males, females, tv's, tg's, people from all over the world. We try very hard to accomodate everyone's tastes, ideas, desires, and wants. However, what we DO NOT tolerate is disrespect. If it crosses that line, the member finds themselves removed from the chatroom. Short of that, everyone must practice some tolerance, even for things they don't like.

So... yes. I completely agree, TLW, the brattiness has reached a level that's above desireable, and yes, it's irritating to watch. Has it crossed a rule line? No. Is it disrespectful? When it is, it's dealt with (and when it does & there's no admin/mod around, save the log, send it to T or I). However, beyond that, I think the issue is whether the brattiness is something that's just sheer immaturity & a lack of desire to sub (i.e. the individual is simply an immature bottom w/no desire for anything else), or maybe the person doesn't KNOW better yet & needs/wants to be taught more, or maybe the person is intentionally acting out for attention (or for the benefit of their dominant), or maybe the person enjoys being a SAM/brat/flirt, or... who knows. However, the only people we can control are ourselves & our reactions. The more reaction they get, the more they will continue the behavior.