Education... where is it these days?

[The Lord Winter]

I think you may be both generalizing & patronizing newcomers to this site with your statement. First, many of them are not "youngsters" at all but older adults looking for new experiences or answers to questions. Second, they are adults, who should all be capable of - and responsible for - making their own decisions. There are many confusing things in BDSM, both for the new and for those with experience. But in many cases, those things cannot be directly taught by another; seeking information, followed by a lot of introspection, may be a better approach for true understanding.

While I can see that my statement could lead someone to believe that, I was speaking more in terms of a person's time in the lifestyle. Granted, in my time here, I've seen a lot of people in the age range of 18-24. That's a lot of new blood in the lifestyle. Now, one can reasonably argue that most of these young people are not sexually naive, and largely be correct. There will even be people in the 25-40 age range and up who are so as well, though arguably fewer in number the higher up that scale that you go. The point is that if we don't lay out the fundamentals of our lifestyle to them and teach them what to expect from a competent other (insert whatever opposite role you wish here), then they face a greater risk of becoming prey for many of the mentally and physically abusive predators that seem to find safe haven in our lifestyle.

In doing this, we can avoid some of the confusion that you mentioned, and through espousing a core philosophy of practice, we can direct people to the proper information for them that suits their particular level of experience without leaving them with a feeling of being overwhelmed.

I don't view that as a simple distinction at all - and it's a very individual definition. Everyone must determine for himself or herself where they fall within the submission/dominance spectrum. It's not something that can be imposed from outside but is a reflection of the individual's nature. It's also not a static phenomenon, changing over time, with the situation, or with one's partners.

Yet, even in agreeing to disagree, are we to disagree blindly and flail against each other in futility? Or can we not set at least a baseline from which we begin to differ and thus, gain a stronger understanding of the other's position?

What do you propose are "the basics" newcomers should be taught? Who will determine what the curriculum will contain? There is no one right way within BDSM - whose opinion will be elevated to the level of fact that all newcomers must learn? Also, these "true old-schoolers" you refer to that will judge us & find us wanting - why does their opinion matter? If they do things differently, that is certainly their right. But it doesn't impose any obligation on the behavior of others who choose to learn differently.

A core philosophy, that would give someone a baseline from which to gauge the intensity of their own needs and their individual Dom/sub nature, would be essential. From there, it would be instruction on safe practices when meeting someone, and a set of basic warning signs that would give clear and early indicators of whether the person they were meeting warranted more careful scrutiny. Individual mentoring would be encouraged so that others could pair up with like minds and learn more intricate and detailed aspects of the lifestyle in ways that tutorials on a webpage could never teach. I could continue, but this should give you a general idea.

As for why the OS'ers opinions should matter... why would you cast aside decades of experience out of hand, when all it would take is a simple effort to show that we are not the immature, single-minded hedonists we appear to be at times, to get their attention and perhaps even bring them into the discussion and teach us some of what they have learned in all their R/t experiences. I for one, would cherish such an opportunity, and am thankful to have one such OS'er as my mentor.

I personally would find it confining to be told there is a single set of lessons to be learned or rules to be followed. I am an individual, an adult with my own opinions, who formed my understanding of BDSM by engaging various people & integrating different points of view into my own personal philosophy. It may not be right for everyone but it works well for me. Why shouldn't other newcomers ask questions, be presented with information & come to their own conclusions without having to follow a prescribed course of study?

It is not about telling anyone that there is a single set of lessons. But a consensus on the baseline can and should be reached, both for Dom's and Masters, subs and slaves alike. We should all seek to understand more than just our own views. This puts us in a less judgmental and more educated position when dealing with our peers.

As I said in my first post, it isn't that the effort is not present on the site, it's that it is misguided. Now, I'm not belittling the effort put forth already, with my words. But the point is, how would you go into a real library and find anything without the organization that it enjoys? I understand that it is a tall order to request of the staff, and it is not a request that I make at all, not for that kind of organization. However, links get posted all the time on the site, yet I see very few of them get collected into stickies. For instance, with all the regional BDSM munch groups out there, I find it baffling that no one has come up with the idea of linking the ones who have active websites into a sticky for the Library Travelers section, to better serve the people on the road and help them keep in touch with like mind.

While I am not angered at this, I am honestly surprised that a site like this has been around for so long, and no one has even recommended this to the admins. This strikes at the heart of the thread's title... Education... Where is it these days?