How did you find out about BDSM?

[longrover]

First there was Sky King on Saturday morning TV (going back a while here, late '50's maybe) and coed hide n seek using the ability to escape in place of counting,

Then there were the covers of men's magazines, and then (drum roll)

there was Story of O - about '69 or '70. Oh my gaw...

After that, Bondage Life and the rest, as they say, is history.

Lon

[ladyB]

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Hard to remember, but I know it started with finding a comic book of my brother's where the villians were tying up the heroines in an extremely appealing manner. Also a really old copy of Forum letters

What was its appeal to you?

Being in control, having someone utterly at your beck and call

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

I thought I was weird and that no-one else thought about these things, I also thought that all men could be doms.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

That it can be loads of fun, and can be taught. Also that it's a lot more common than most people think!

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Due to not being in the same country, let alone the same continent, for longer than 6 months at a time, it's hard to start fresh each time, so at the moment certainly occasional player.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

As I said before, being in utter control is fantastic, as for being sub, there's only been one man who has managed to get me to be sub and with him, it was perfect, hard to explain.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

None at the moment unfortunately...

So thats ladyB's story...

[Kostly]

ANYONE WHO ADMITS TO BEIGN UNDER 18 SHOULD BE IMEDIATELY REMOVED... Dont RISK a mad parent and a LARGE lawsuit because you are afraid to loose a member... 1 day till 18 is still unacceptable.

I like this site, I would like to see it around tomorrow!

Kostly

[BDSM_Tourguide]

The age issues have been resolved for these forums and for the site. Some time ago, I think.

[LadyAmanda]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Once upon a time, there was an innocent young lady - okay, okay, not so young lady who worked at a big company doing shitty office work. She had a nice vanilla marriage, and didn't know any better.

Then one day, the big bad wolf came along - sorry, the nice wonderful lady boss came along, and said, You can huff and you can puff, but I'm still gonna blow your walls down.

And she did. She wriggled her way into my thoughts and my dreams, and eventually, into my pants.

And they fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Except, there was a twist. The big bad wolf taught the innocent young lady that there was more to life than just vanilla; there's also chocolate fudge with nuts on top. Turns out, the big bad wolf liked things much better if she had to work hard for them, and that included sex of all kinds. The innocent young thing discovered that the term 'pain slut' existed, and could be applied to the big bad wolf.

She also learn that topping from the bottom was possible, but it was a situation that had to be reversed quickly and completely. Now, the not so young, not so innocent one is in complete control, with only occasional outbursts from the big bad wolf.
Down, girl!



What was its appeal to you?
The fact that it is completely opposite my 'normal' life, where I'm meek and mild and quiet. The power I have over this woman astounds me. (and sometimes scares me.)


What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

I thought it was a lot more extreme than it actually is. I thought people took it further. I thought all subs were pain sluts.


What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

How much fun it is when you connect with the right person.


Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Since I have a vanilla marriage, and my best friend is also my sub, the only thing I do fulltime is walk a thin tightrope!



What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

Using my imagination to come up with the most original scenes for us to play with. Forcing her to give up her control. Watching her get aroused by what I'm doing to her. Allowing myself to become aroused by what she's doing to me!




What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Everything about her, even when she's being a smart-mouthed sub. Her sense of humour. The way she can laugh at herself. The way she obeys me, even when she really, really doesn't want to do something. The look on her face when she realizes that I've just embarrassed/humiliated the hell out of her - again. Watching that cute ass slowly turning red ...

[InnerTemptress]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

hmm ..

i am what most would consider a late bloomer. i didn't become sexually active until my mid-twenties and didn't actually enjoy sex until about 3 years ago. it was then, for my new years resolution year 2000, that i resolved to discover my inner temptress. part of that journey had me reading alot. i discovered erotic story website after website and read everything that i could get my hands on. meanwhile my partner at the time became my unwitting guinea pig (although i don't recall any complaining). i did then come across a story by darkpen on asstr. this story hit me like a brick and suddenly my fantasies had a name.

it took me another year to finally find someone that would act on the things that i wanted to experiment with and slowly but surely i have experienced the majority of the aspects relating to being a submissive.

What was its appeal to you?

quite simply i feel at home and very comfortable. so much so that i'm no longer embarrased to admit it to my friends. beyond that it has taken me to heights of pleasure i never dreamed possible.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

that being a submissive is being weak. i now know that this isn't true. a dominant once told me that the submissive has the ultimate control although it is not overt control.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

i don't think that i am here yet. maybe one day i will have something to contribute to the community as a whole .. for now i just hope that my presence is positive.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

this is definitely going to be a lifestyle choice .. assuming i find the yang to my ying.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

contentment and peace. i feel calmer. i no longer feel the need to play headgames. i seem to be happy with things that come my way instead of constantly wondering when it'll be my turn.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

one day ... *sigh*

[dav4jon]

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

It was back in the 70's. I was a teenager in Europe and there was this monthly magazine -- which I think still exists -- that was surfing the wave of the social upheaval of 1968 and specialized in sexology. I used to buy it secretly almost every month and I must say that apart from the basic birds and bees stuff this is how I got most of my sex ed.

From time to time they ran these strange articles about strange people doing strange things in strange places. Some seemed to get their kicks out of being nasty to other people while others were said to enjoy pain and abuse. Certifiable idiots, no doubt...

This, however, taught me that other people seemed to feel like I did when I looked at pictures like the one I posted on page 12 of the 'Favorite picture' thread.

Then I heard about Sade's books and The story of O.

I discovered much later that BDSM could be more than just sexual play but could actually be a lifestyle.

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
What was its appeal to you?

The feeling of being overwhelmed by somebody else's power/charisma/personality/whatever and to voluntarily give myself to him. Wishing to feel for someone like I assumed my dog felt for me.

Of course, all this had to be both physically and mentally felt. This is where pain, humiliation and degradation started to look appealing.

I must admit that being able to give someone the same look of total love and submission that a dog gives its master that has just kicked it is an achievement I would actually be proud of; but I do not know whether I am capable of it or not.

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Probably like most people, I first believed that:

• BDSM-inclined people were freaks
• the top had all the fun
• the top did not really love the sub ("I love you; I hurt you" simply did not make sense)
• the top was in charge

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

Considering I have almost no experience in the matter this is a tricky one for me and I suppose I should really pass on it. I have the feeling, however, that BDSM is not the opposite of vanilla but its enhancement. It seems to me there is some kind of continuum that starts with someone's preference for hugging or being hugged and goes all the way to religious mystics of all faiths who readily accept (even seek) martyrdom and die happily in the belief it will please their Lord.

If I am correct, the question is not whether you live on BDSM street or not, but where about along that street do you (currenty) live.

I would love to hear what 'seasoned practitioners' feel about that.

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Being able to consider myself an occasional player would already be good... *not so happy smile*

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
]What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

I reckon my fantasies of being a top are motivated by my insecurity that makes me want to be in charge, by my insecurity that makes me want to be needed and liked (adored will do, too), and by my insecurity that makes me want to feel useful by taking care of someone.

As a bottom, I would love to meet someone I could trust 300% and with whom I could completely let go. Then again... pigs might fly.
Did I mention I was insecure?

In the meantime I will top, either from the top of from the bottom.

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

At the moment what I prefer about him is that he is a fantasy and therefore 100% like I want him to be... *not so happy smile*

Cheers

[DTerri]

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle? Surfing the internet one day and came across RPPStories -- right around it's birth -- before they put on the "given password" lock.

What was its appeal to you? Different. It satisfied an urge of who I am.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now? Not a lot. I've always kind of been like this.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM? Nothing really. Just enjoy what I do while I do it.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player? Neither. I'm still a virgin, because I'm more commited to whom I would use as a submissive, etc.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive? I dunno. I guess it's fun to be dominant and have people doing as you demand and satisfying some submissive's passion at the same time.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

I have none. ;_; I'm still pretty young though.

[GaryWilcox]

Bringing back this thread to inspire newbie lurkers...

Originally posted by BDSM_Tourguide
How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Probably the internet. I don't remember.

What was its appeal to you?

Sheer naughtiness.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

That only damaged people sought out that lifestyle.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

I just wanted perspective on my inner demon, and I think the past two years have given me oodles of that.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

A dabbler. I'm a gentle person. It would take a lot (of begging) for me to willing harm someone I was intimate with.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

The sacrifice of a partner opening up to you and trusting you not to take it beyond her limits.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

I don't. That would be a very prickly relationship, and I'm not even prepared for a conventional one today...

[rallan]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

I think it was the way most people did. The occasional portrayal of a Domme in movies, and a bit of porn in my teenage years. I think it's safe to say I didn't find out anything _real_ about the BDSM lifestyle until I got internet access

What was its appeal to you?

To start with it was just another fantasy for a teenager along with a whole lot of other things. It was really only later on that I started thinking of bdsm as something I could really get into in a big way.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Well back in my tender youth I thought it was some crazy dangerous thing (porn magazines don't teach you much about safewords), and I figured people into the s&m side of it were probably a bit unbalanced.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

I'd mainly like people to know that it's fun, it's safe, and it doesn't have to be really full-on and psycho like virtually every kinky character in mainstream TV makes it seem.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Just a player. I'm all over the place and don't take many things seriously.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

I'm a sub, and for me it's the nervous thrill. It's like when you're a kid and your friend's older brother talks you into going on the monstrously, stupidly, humungously big scary rollercoaster, and you're absolutely shitscared while you're waiting in line, but it's the sort of scared that really picks you up, and you know that the ride's not something you'd want to miss.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)? [/B][/QUOTE]

Well there's a guy I'm seeing now and then. First thing I liked about him was that he turned out to actually like being a Dom. I rocked up to his place for my first bit of youthful experimentation with another guy and made some joke about getting tied to the bedposts, and the next thing ya know I _am_ tied to the bedposts. Apart from that it's the fact that he's very considerate and doesn't try pressuring people into stuff they really don't wanna do. Oh, and I think he's ready to give anything a go once (at least I haven't haven't heard him veto any ideas yet, but then again it's still early days).




Rallan

[Jones, Nikka]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Reading. Everything I could lay my hands on, from the Illiad to the Bible, from encyclopedia Britannica to adventure books by Salgari, when I was a child I would see bdsm everywhere; wether or not I knew what it really was all about. It excited me nonetheless.

What was its appeal to you?

It excited me. I did not know what to call it, but I started masturbating at a very early age (6 or 7) and all those wonderful things I had read or imagined got me in the mood for it.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

That I had to feel guilty about it. Now I know that suffering is Ok, feeling guilty about it is not

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

That it is worth it to try to find a partner that really understands you. Bdsm is fun. Bdsm with your lover is heaven.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Everything I do in life is play. Human beings are the otters of the universe. I guess I can be described as a lifestyle player.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

The passion. The thrill of knowing I love him so much I am willing to bleed for him. and that he loves me enough to beat me before fucking me. Knowing that although he denies it, he owns me.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

The fact that he made it all ok. I used to punish myself because I felt guilty for loving him. Now he punishes me because I am happy to love him and to be loved by him.

[Wontworry]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Very gradually. I have memories from decades ago of spanking a girlfriend but this, and most other forays into what seemed to be 'extreme' sex, were never met with the right response from my partner. With the internet I realised that BDSM was not just my lonely 'tortured' mind, but was far far greater ... all the way to being a lifestyle in some cases.


What was its appeal to you?

Total power, coupled with so much responsibility that it hurts. It appeals to both sides of my mind ... the evil and the gentle.


What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

That I was on my own. That all the pictures were false, that all the stories and lettters were just fantasies. That REAL people did not participate in something my upbringing told me was wrong.


What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

As I am constantly learning, I doubt that I will live long enough to ever be able to teach or pass something on.


Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Occasional player (and then only on line) .... but I live in hope.


What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

The thrill of knowing my sub has been terrified by yet another of my ideas. The power to make her expand her own limits. The suspense of waiting to hear how her day went. The overwhelming pride when she achieves the impossible.


What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

That my beautiful sub will always try to her limit, and beyond. That she gives me hope.

[Cleo671]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

The concept of BDSM a very long time ago..as a child seeing a movie where a woman is 'seduced' or overpowered by a masked man..that startled me in an interesting way..as a teen reading the usual sex guides and buying a book that had a few chapters on BDSM..at 20 the ultimate BDSM read was a purchase I had made, it was De Sade's Juliette and I found it remarkable due to the time it was written (and very arousing)..online I've found more visual representations, stories, art than anything else.

What was its appeal to you?
It's appealed to me more recently in the last few years as my understanding of it has been extended. The main appeal of it is the level of trust that's required between the parties and the respect, two things that are frequently absent from conventional relationships.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
I haven't really 'begun', it's been more of a concept or a liking, it's been difficult to 'find' people with that leaning, or they misunderstand the concepts of dominance and submission (for example). The misconception I had many years ago was that people that engaged had serious personal issues stemming back to parental problems,abuse etc..only because those around me would look upon it as 'abnormal', as conventional sex was 'custom', but they'd look at the leather, etc and think 'oh my God!!?'..as I progressed through relationships I realised that there is an aspect of BDSM (in various other forms) however other parties won't acknowledge them. Also realised that people that come from 'scarred' backgrounds appear everywhere, not just in BDSM, but in 'vanilla' relationships as well..
As I've gotten to know myself more, have moved ahead in relationships, know what I want and accept my 'needs' in terms of preferences, it's changed me in that I've realised that trust and respect are the most important elements to me before I take additional steps with a person. So this has made me change my view over the years.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
That it's not just a lifestyle choice, but it's also a part of a person's essence, much more than a preference, but a part of them.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
Well, I can't answer this question, because I haven't actively done anything in a long while (I"m a fussy bitch when it comes to partners lol)

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
I'm more submissive, which doesn't mean that I lay back like a starfish in terms of conventional sex, it's the element of relinquishing control to someone that I supremely trust. The revelation of that vulnerability on both sides is also an indication of a persons' comfort within themselves, their confidence and their general outlook, that they want to expand those boundaries further instead of relying on the usual safety net.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

I don't have one yet!! lol..(a dominant).

[issyrj]

How did you find out anout BDSM?
I read the "Story of O" when I was 16 or 17 and that really got me interested. When I started dating my now wife I asked her to read it to see if there was something there that 'turned her on'. After she read it she told me about a series of Anne Rice books that she had read - "The punishment of Beauty", Beauty's Release, and the Taking of Sleeping Beauty. I think that is what they are called. If you have not read these stories they are very good especially when you are merely interested in BDSM, Ms, Ds, etc.

That was 11 years ago. We have been married for over 8 years and we have only begun exploring the depths of BDSM. We have also begun playing heavily in Dom/sub play - and my wife is finding that she has a very submissive nature. I am her Master 24/7 and have been for almost a year. We had played for a while where she was my Master but she did not get into and felt very uncomfortable in the dominant role. Now she is my slave and she has never been happier. We do not include others in our play but we do have alot of fun.

I would have never concidered myself a lifestyler or lifer up until a half year ago. After what my sub and I have gone through in the last year I would like to do this for the rest of my life. But again, I am not looking to train many slaves or be trained as a slave but just to live this lifestyle with my own wife as my slave. After much talking about this I am impressed that my wife would also like this to be her lifestyle. Like I said earlier, she is learning more now than ever how submissive she is, and loving it.

One of the big things that I have realized in my own Master/slave life with my wife is how little we communicated before we tried this. The BDSM lifestyle is all about communication between Dom and sub and the trust that builds there because of it. We have never been this close. The last years of playing in the BDSM ways have been wonderful for our relationship and especially the last year when my wife has been in much deeper submission to me as her Master. We have hadk difficulties but we have come through them stronger. In the beginning my slave would buck at a command and there would be days of trial and where I thought we would give it up. Through these trials I only found out more about my submissive wife and her needs as a sub. I also learned a ton about dominating someone, especially someone you love dearly. It is much easier when you don't love them, I think.

There is still much we need to learn from each other and I need to teach to my slave. The primary one is communicating her needs to me, telling me her desires and fantasies. She is a sub, I think by nature, but she has a huge pride and is very private with her feelings. The more she opens up the closer we get. There have been some incredible moments in the past years when she has opened up and revealed some deep fantasy (which we usually act out at a later date). I think the fantasies scare her because she does not think 'normal' people have these types of fantasies. Once she gives them to me and she sees that these are fantasies that we both love than she is much more comfortable with herself. She has only reach 'sub space' a few times in our sessions, but she has been in bliss everytime.

Hope someone enjoys this. I love this site and I like coming here to read the board posts. Thank you.

[Faibhar]

Surprisingly, few if any (dis)credited organized religion for giving them a head start on bdsm. I wonder, can I possibly be the only one? Visions of martydom/black&white habits/etc. started at least the sm part years ago.

The "only one"? Naaawww...

Of all of the responses to this thread, issyri's seemed the most revealing. Maybe a bit confused about differences between "slaves and subs", his post nonetheless speaks volumes. Mostly issyri relates his bond with his wife; mutual or her feelings, not simply his. As it should be. Either that, or the post mentioned is a clever ruse to appeal to garner responses from soft-hearted females. One hopes that this is not the case.

[issyrj]

Thanks for the comment Faibhar. Not trying to get responces from soft hearted females. What I posted is how our life is. Love it.

Thanks again for the comments. I appreciate it.

[boccaccio2000g]

Originally posted by Faibhar
Surprisingly, few if any (dis)credited organized religion for giving them a head start on bdsm. I wonder, can I possibly be the only one?

Visions of martydom ... /

I second that notion. As a youngster I was regaled with any number of horrific tales of the martyrdom of 'Catholic' saints. Needless to say, the iniquities of the Inquisition were barely mentioned.

But a fascination with the idea of physical fortitude, which I believe was described as one of the cardinal virtues, has stuck with me all these years.

A secondary influence, I think, may have been the sword and sandals films that were popular in my formative years. Most of them were rather chaste by modern standards, but there's something about a scantily-clad barbarian princess ...

I suspect that most of us have read tales of martyrdom and war-time heroism under questioning, and wondered how well we might have measured up against the brave martyr/hero.

I don't suppose I'll ever find out about myself (I certainly hope not!) but I take considerable pleasure in testing the heroines of my stories in the fearsome forge of torture.

And I'm happy to say that they all have conducted themselves admirably under the most difficult circumstances imaginable.

Here's to the ladies!

Boccaccio

[norton]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

I have been excited by bondage and discipline since I was a teen. At that time I figured since I wanted to tie women up and administer spanking that I was screwed up mentally. I lived in the country and had little sexual contact with women. I had found an old porn magazine and one of the pictures showed a women having her bra ripped off. I thought that was stimulating.

The great revelation that I wasn't alone came when I bought a book titled "The Joy of Sex" modeled after "The Joy of Cooking". One chapter was devoted to bondage and it touched lightly on pain as a stimulant.

What was its appeal to you?

I found that the gift of trust and submission was much deeper and more filled with emotion than a vanilla relationship.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

I thought that there was something wrong with me. I tried tieing up girlfriends and found it to be very exciting but believed they were only going along with it to please me.
One night as I was playing with my trussed up girlfriend she said "Hurt me". I was pretty shocked. I had heard rumors about girls who liked to be hurt but this was my first real life encounter. I wasn't too sure what to do so I slapped her ass. I liked the girl and it seemed that administering a spanking was not something you would do to someone you cared about. Over a period of a year I tried hurting her a bit but still didn't really accept my feelings.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

I am a sharing person so when a friend told me he and his girlfriend were trying bondage and didn't know what to do. I loaned him my "bag of tricks". A gym big with leather cuffs, braided nylon ropes. I had ran all of them except the leather cuffs through my washing machine to make sure they were clean. I told him to keep them if he wished since it is my conviction that these items are too personal to share. He didn't mind but I think that these toys should not be used on more than one partner. I start fresh if I change lovers.

If I could pass on the knowledge that whatever you wish to do should be talked over first and then accepted as a normal part of lovemaking. It's alright to have these feelings.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

I would say "occasional player." I don't want to be responsible for another person all the time. I don't want to pick out her clothes for everyday use or choose the entertainment every time. I prefer someone who is capable of telling me their wants and desires and opinions.


What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Sadly I broke up with my long time companion. I haven't found anyone that I like yet. The ones I like don't like me or the ones who like me I don't like. Did I just end a sentence with a preposition?

[woodsman'sgame]

Norton, I think many of us are part time only, like you.

Mostly I wanted to comment on "The Joy of Sex." That book saved my troubled soul and opened my eyes to what sex could be.

I hope you find that someone soon.

The ones I like don't like me or the ones who like me I don't like. Did I just end a sentence with a preposition

You ended with a verb Norton. =)

[vanillaslave]

this thread is very interesting to me for many reasons.

Many times when i meet a "Dom" online and you are doing the getting to know you thing, i am often asked.. "How long have you been "in the lifestlye" which is kind of like TG's question of are you a lifestlyer or a part-timer...

i never know how to answer this question. i've always been this way.. it's kind of like asking someone when they knew they were gay... isn't it? do gay people say well on february 12th an 9 am it dawned on me that well i'm gay? i dunno but i know that i certainly have always felt the desire to submit to a man.

So i try to explain the concept and they then ask.. when was the first time you were with a Dom?
*sigh* a Dominant man or a man who says "HI I AM DOM LET ME TEST YOUR LIMITS"

i don't really have a date that i can trace it all back to. it's just me. and yeah i did get into the Gor series a few years ago.. i buy into the whole "the feminist movement has emasculated the males"

I just want a MAN. I long for a relationship with traditional gender roles. It is REALLY not a sexual thing for me. and i am not a painslut. i'm fairly intelligent and i want my man to be smarter than me ( it's really not that hard lol). I want to submit 24/7 but for me that does not necessarily mean wandering around in a collar (though i have been known to enjoy that) waiting for "commands".

Don't get me wrong... i have grown to love the D/s sexual stuff but that is not what this is at all for me...

i'm distracted from this thread so i will just post.

[pandemonium]

Ok, first post and I will just jump in here.


How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
I didn't realize it was a lifestyle until 4 years ago. I thought people just payed for that. Don't laugh! I had a job for a short time as a Dominitrix when I was 21. It was a short time. I had read the Story of O and the Gor books prior to that. I had put myself in compromising situations.
I learned that it was in fact a lifestyle on the internet. Erotica. Websites. I went to a chat room......that sucked. It was confusing and tiresome. I met some guy on line...that sucked. I tried to initiate it with a partner....that sucked. Yet, here I am back around reading the erotica.

What was its appeal to you?
I don't know. I over analyze entirely too much. Secondly, I am still thinking about it- not doing it and the reality of it may be completely different from what is in my head. I prefer to leave it at that.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
Besides the fact that its not just a job?

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
Neither. I am an every so often obsessed woman that reads the erotica.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
How to reconcile what feels like a split personality.

[Sadorae]

This is exactly how I was defined from a young age. I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it as I have enjoyed carrying this with me for so many years, with very fond thought.

In 1978 I was 15 years old, I am now 40 years old but remember this as it happened yesterday. The thought of this first encounter with BDSM and trust still makes me thankful I am who I am.
One evening my entire family and I were sitting outside talking in the early evening and a young man that worked at the local feed store came by our house. I knew him as an aqaintence from going with my dad or bothers to buy feed for our cattle.
He came by and was really friendly and finally asked if he could take me for a ride in his brothers truck. My parents thought it was ok, but we had to be back at midnight. Off we went.
We drove all over my home town, chewing the fat, but what mostly stuck out in my mind that night was all the situationual questions this young man asked. He was very interested in my home life, had my 3 brothers ever picked on me, did I defend myeslf.
He brought me back home at 10:00 p.m. that night, needless to say my parents were greatful, not the least bit the wiser.
The next week he came to my house unannounced before noon and asked if he could take me out for a picnic. My parents said sure, but as before be home before midnight.
We got into his brothers truck and drove to southeastern Oklahoma, never once during this trip did we ever go through a town. (If you have ever been in this state we have more podunk towns than Carter has peanuts.) As we drove along the questions came only this time it was with a little more ease and confidence on his part.
After nearly 2 hours of taking every red dirt road in this state, we arrived at our destination, a house quite hidden from anyone. There was a very big pond, an old barn and a very old house. He walked towards the house, all the windows and panes were still present, the door opened easily.
The receiving room was a bit small, to the right was a set of stairs leading up. The great room was to the left, and then the kitchen; the cabinets were still in place, the cabinet tops were wide and the old floors in the house had tar linolium with a large flower print. The bathroom was off of the kitchen, not in very good shape, an old claw foot tub, mirror and a stool. A small hallway lead back to the receiving room and the dining room. Upstairs was three bedrooms but they were very small and shaped like the roof on top of the house. This old house was amazing, you could feel all the family and hominess even just standing alone there for a minute or two.
Outside we went and laid a blanket on the ground and just sat and talked. It was in June and already if was very hot. My friend suggested a swim but we hadn't brought our bathing suits and *I* knew I wasn't about to get naked in front of anyone! The thought of that scared me, but only because I was so excited. I stand 5'3" tall, I have not grown any since I was 12 years old, however my friend was 6'6" tall and very lean and muscular. As we talked about how hot it was, (and it was hot!) Kurt said I could turn my back and he could get undressed and get into the pond. He assured me it would be alright, after all every kid who grows up in the country skinny dips. He got into the water and swam to the other side of the pond.
Part of my trepidation in this case was I was not an experienced swimmer, and I was afraid I would drowned, I was sure if that happened my parents would be upset.
Kurt called from the water to come in and swim with him, but I didn't want to take my clothes off and I was terrified of that. Well, being the gentleman we was he said he would turn away from me and put his hands over his eyes until I could undress and get in. That didn't sound so bad.
I undressed and made my way into the water, it was cool but not cold.
I finally made it up to my neck quite litterally, it was hard for me to keep from getting into the deeper water and I was afraid to make a fool out of myself by not being at least as deep as Kurt.
This is where our game started.
He moved in front of me and asked me if I trusted him; I told him I thought so. He asked if he could pick me up and take me out just a little deeper into the water, I looked up at him and said I thought it would be alright as long as he didn't let go.
Other than ever seeing my brother's naked as kids, he was the first man I had ever seen. He must have had alot of self control because he didn't have an erection.
I slid into his arms, going deeper into the water, in my ear he promised I would be safe. His voice was so calming because I was so scared; I thought I would drown.
Kurt asked me again if I trusted him with my life, a million things were racing through my head, heart beating so fast I thought it was coming out of my chest! Like a lamb being lead to slaughter I told him yes; he told me he was going to let go of me and that I shouldn't be scared. Yes, the water would go over my head but don't panic, he would be right there and he would make sure nothing would happen to me.
I held my breath, he let go; my body slipped into the dark, murky
pond water. As soon as I had gone under he immediately brought me back up again but this same thing went on for awhile. Each time he would pull me up, a gentle hug in his arms.
I'm not really sure how long we stayed in that pond, but we were really wrinklely.
Kurt said we needed to get out and dry off, we laid there on the blanket naked. I was not ashamed, he was laid beside me looking at me, stroking my back.
There was no kissing, just touches. After sometime we were finally dry. Dressing together seemed so natural, he never had an erection the whole time and I suppoed if he had I would have been raped or worse.
Going back into the house to the kitchen to eat he told me it was his grandmother's house and that she had moved to a nursing care center but he still loved coming here. In the kitchen he picked me up and placed me on the cabinet, our food was a bit soggy but that didn't matter.
Soon after we got in his brother's truck and started our drive home on the back roads, he driving and I sitting on my side of the car.
I wanted him so badly at that point it was driving me crazy. He knew that I am sure. More questions followed, was I scared when he let go of me in the water, was it exciting, would I do whatever he asked me to do. We talked about so many things.
When we arrived at my house it was 8:30 p.m., he walked me to the door and exchanged pleasantries with my family. He told me he would see me again very soon, no kiss, nothing.
Being 15 years old, I just couldn't figure this out! I was sure he would come back and I could only be left to wonder what would happen next!!
I have never told this to anyone in my life, locked up inside me waiting to be shared with others like me.

[GaryWilcox]

doubletake

That was a beautiful memory, and thank you for sharing it. Not just an awakening to BDSM, but an awakening of sexuality, and awakening of trust. Didn't 'get me hot', it got me... warm. A rare sensation from reading.

I read it through, and really enjoyed it. But I stopped before moving on... it occured to me that your gender is never mentioned in the story.

As a heterosexual male, I have always been the odd one in my set. I never found men having m/m sex to be particularly disgusting, or women having sex to be particularly erotic. Being a silent witness to people having loveless, joyless sex makes me feel... filthy. Watching people have intimate moments makes me feel innocent. Tonight, I feel innocent.

There is brilliance in what you wrote, honest talent. If you never wrote anything for BDSM Library, it would be a great pity.

[Sadorae]

I am definately a woman, but just a shy girl back then.

[Faibhar]

Apologies for ever doubting your motives, issyrj, and Best Wishes for continued "enjoyment".

Boccaccio's post harkens back to a pre-pubescent time, and by doing so, one does wonder if maturity is ever enough to chase away those old fantasies springing up from Sword & Sandal sagas. Perhaps these are things that should be savored for all time as they are based on tales much older than our own lives no matter how many birthdays one chooses to celebrate.

[Finding_Fantasy]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

I will not claim that it was brought about religion or fantasy tie up games as a child. Like many in my generation, I discovered BDSM through television. I was up late one night and caught a show on HBO called Real Sex when I was 16. I didn't think much about it, I suspect because I didn't know much about sex let alone BDSM at that point. It wasn't until later that I was playing around with a boy friend and he pretended to tie me up. I got a thrill out of it though was disappointed when I found out he wasn't serious. Not long after that relationship (which ended very poorly) I moved to the internet. I stumbled on an adult chat site (Adult Friend Finder). I visited a while and eventually got up the courage to go into the Basement, a BDSM oriented chat. There I met a lot of other people and realised that that was where I belonged.

What was its appeal to you?

That's hard to say. I guess it is that I like to have certain choices made for me. Not because I am weak or don't have a mind of my own, but because it gives pleasure to those I care about to do as they like. I enjoy pleasing people, making them happy and will go that extra mile, given the chance, for that extra special someone.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

I thought that it was all chains and pains. I know now that it was a wrong idea. I also thought that anyone who would give up their actions to another was weak and those who would dominate over someone was nothing but a tyrant. Again, I found I was mistaken. I also thought that they all walked around in leather pants with spiked collars etc but I saw that they were just normal people. They weren't deviants or bad people... which came as a big relief to me since I was interested in all of this.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

Be tolerant of each others little desires. While it may not be your preference, just remember, to people who aren't into BDSM, you're a freak. lol

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Right now I cannot honestly say. I am in a kind of transitional stage.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

**See what appeals to me.**

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Patience. He has been very patient and understanding while I sturggle to find my balance.

[BruceBoxer]

Just curious FF, you mentioned you were in a transitional stage--which way? TO occasional or TO lifestyle? WHen my wife became a mother, that role of mom became the raison d'etre for her existance and play came second.

"Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Right now I cannot honestly say. I am in a kind of transitional stage. "

[Finding_Fantasy]

Originally posted by BruceBoxer
Just curious FF, you mentioned you were in a transitional stage--which way? TO occasional or TO lifestyle? WHen my wife became a mother, that role of mom became the raison d'etre for her existance and play came second.

But I can't give you and honest answer in the immortal words of your former president (which one I am not certain lol) "I cannot tell a lie."

When I was in Texas it was totally 24/7. It was easy I had no other worries. Now I have all these things happening in my life and I struggle to find where I belong.

TG and I still do the occasional scene when the baby allows and it's not 4 am and out of energy. So right now I guess we are sort of leaning towards to "Occasional" but wishing for "Lifestyle" If that makes any sense what so ever.

[lt_jake_veart]

How did I learn about it?

Well, actually, I write whenever I can, and I also read a lot. I was doing some research when I was in about, oh 10th Grade, into slavery for a story I was going to write, and inadvertantly ended up at a information site about BDSM and D/s. It actually made me think, and I came to realize that I liked it. My girlfriend at the time and I tried to incorporate it into our relationship, but, it ended too quickly. I joined a few online communities, including a group of Chrisitans who are also into D/s, and tried to learn as much as I could about it, despite hostilities. (These were expected, teenage and sexual philia don't really go together in many people's minds.) It actually suprisied me, this year (I'm a senior, and 18), at how many people, Doms and subs, that are in my school, including one girl that I am probibly going to end up training as My sub.

Anyway, that's My unusual and totally boreing story.

[Warrior]

I only do BDSM online, so keep that in mind.

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Well about 3 months back I was on ICQ and looking for cyber when a guy asked me if I was into BDSM. I had only been 18 for a short while (December 2003) and since I (IMO) have good self-control I had not drunk alcohol, viewed porn, or viewed anything with adult warnings until I turned 18 (as tempted as I was). I had figured the law was there for a reason and if I held out, it would be better. Anyway, I asked him what it was. He gave me a very basic overview and said he was a sub. He asked if I was interested. Yes I was. I then did some research and looked it up on the net.

Leading up to that...
When I was younger I used to be a tomboy. I hated dresses and skirts (still do) and being 'pretty'. I was cruel to insects (pulling wings off flies, burning ants with a magnifying glass, etc.) and the pets (putting the dog in the trees, putting pegs on the end of the cats tails, nothing to really hurt them). I got along better with the guys than the girls (until they went through they boy/girl germs phase).

I enjoyed watching movies and TV shows where men were humiliated or hurt. My parents used to tell me I was a sadist and I shouldn't scare/hurt the animals or enjoy watching those things. Of course I denied it. Ever since I was a little girl I had dreamed of things like tying up male TV characters (or my teachers) and doing things like tickling them. Of course nothing sexual in those dreams, but as I developed, so did my dreams and fantasies.

Last year as I was going to school there was a tall boy on our bus and 2 of the other girls used to occasionally try to tickle him. He hated being tickled and he usually managed to stop them. One day they invited me to gang up with them and on a codeword we would all tickle him. They were closer and he managed to stop them, but he then had no limbs to stop me. I was going to tickle him, but he begged and he was such a good begger that I decided not to tickle him and just listen for a while before agreeing not to. That was the best moment in the whole year, when he begged. Even now it brings a big grin to my face.

What was its appeal to you?

Hmm, I think what appeals is that there is material out there that works with my fantasies, and that I can be more creative, and the sense of control.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Well I didn't really know what it was. I knew that sadism was bad because of the way my parents would call me a sadist and tell me I shouldn't be.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

As my life goals are to seek knowledge and improve myself, I can apply this to BDSM. I want to learn as much as possible and I encourage others to do the same.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Neither. I only play online.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

I must say having control over a man and the situation. Being able to use my creativity. Also, I know I can be stubborn at times and although I am happy to do things for others (so long as it is not a major issue for me) I will only do it if we do it MY way. But mainly the control.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

At the moment I have no online subs, but I am looking. I had a couple for a while and what I liked about them was their initiative without topping from below. They would ask my permission or beg for something rather than telling me. I only recently lost them due to my lack of being able to come online.