Maybe this might help with your question as relating to punishment in a D/s relationship.

PUNISHMENT - A SIR'S PERSPECTIVE

I have long thought about punishment and it's role within a D/s relationship. These are my beliefs and feeling in regard to this issue. There are three types of punishment:
1) Scene or play induced
2) Corrections for minor infractions
3) Punishment for blatant disregard for the rules


SCENE OR PLAY INDUCED

This is the usual form of punishment in a real D/s relationship, it's purpose isn't so much a a form of punishment as for play and fun. Many scenes may call for what most people perceives as punishment. Be it spanking, whipping or other forms that induce some use of pain to either heighten one sensitivity, play out a part a scene calls for or as a response to an action by a sub or Sir. It use is for fun and mutual satisfaction only. It may involve a sub teasing her Sir to get his reaction where he turns and grabs her and maybe places her over his knee and spanks her, some may call it topping from the bottom but I call it playful drama that can add an element of fun into the relationship. Playfulness is critical to a well rounded D/s relationship, it creates a close bond between the Sir and his sub that every successful relationship must have. The Sir uses punishment as a playful aspect in the relationship, he gets to use it and the sub gets to enjoy the attention and punishment. This is always within the limits that have been established earlier in the relationship, it is never meant as a true form of punishment.
Sometimes a scene or enactment may require punishment to create the proper illusion/atmosphere to allow the scene to move forward and flow as required to be completed. Again this is done for pleasure of both partners, not to truly punish the sub. No, its about allowing each to share that special bond between a Sir and his sub. She gets the torment she craves to fill that special need and the Sir gets to control how and when it is to be dispensed. The Sir creates the scene, he spends a great deal of time planning it, working out all the details as to the flow and direction of a scene. Yes it is understood that the Sir has the power to deviate from the plan to take into consideration how a scene may unfold or how his sub reacts to what is happening to her in a given scene. Few scenes completely follow the plan the Sir has devised, it's more of a guideline to the direction the Sir wants to take his sub.
The punishment is diverse as there are stars in the sky, it can be cruel and harsh or mild and subtle, the Sir dictates the levels based on his goals and reactions of his sub. A true Sir is ever mindful of the needs of his sub, altering the punishment with the intent of satisfying both and if his intent is to test her limits, that is only done if he truly believes she is ready based on all the knowledge he has painstakingly worked to gather about his sub based on her needs and not his own desires. Mutual satisfaction is the only goal in this form of punishment.


Corrections - minor infractions

This style of punishment is for those little things that may bend a rule or a situation not planned out fully by the sub to meet Sir's instructions. I may be as simple as she was to be home, dressed and kneeling for Sir by 5:30 pm, because she didn't leave enough time to account for traffic and was 10 minutes late. Was the infraction based on a willful action by the sub, no, maybe poor planning but her intent was to meet Sir's goal and accomplish it. We are all human and that also applies to the sub, sometimes things do happen that prevent her from completing Sir's orders. She went out with every intention to complete the order but something happened to delay or prevent her from accomplishing her given task. Punishment under these circumstances is more of a reminder that planning is also part of being a sub. A Sir will never under any circumstance gives an order that can not be met so the sub will fail. That is being a bully, not a Sir. Any order given by a Sir must be based on realistic expectations that under normal circumstances the sub can complete. Again the role of punishment isn't about hurting the sub, but a correction she will remember, to help keep her focused on her responsibility to complete Sir's order in the future. Any correction should be based on the infraction, being a couple minutes late doesn't deserve, lets say a whipping. Just because the sub was a few minutes late doesn't mean she deserves such an extreme response from the Sir. Maybe a more fitting punishment would be to have her stand in the corner for ten minutes to reflect on how she will in the future leave more time to account for rush hour traffic to get home at the appropriate time.
Any time a correction style of punishment is to be used, the Sir must first explain what infraction occurred and why it deserves correction. Then the hard part for many Sirs; to be silent and truly listen to what the sub has to say in her defense. She may for instance tell you that she allowed extra time for rush hour traffic but a major accident delayed her past the appointed time. A respectful Sir would see her reason as legitimate and no correction is warranted as it was an unforeseen situation beyond what one would reasonably expect. No sub should be punished for situations that exceed reasonable expectations, never.
The next step if after discussing the infraction and still finding it worthy of punishment is for the Sir to administer the punishment. This is always to be done in a respectful manner and no humiliation should ever be used. Humiliation under these circumstances is unwarranted and very destructive to the sub well being and the relationship as a whole. I will at a future date discuss humiliation and what place it has in a D/s relationship. A caring Sir would never even consider humiliating his sub as a means of punishment. Like I had said earlier, any punishment must fit the infraction. Another example is the Sir had a dinner date planned for them and the sub completely forgot and made arraignments to do something else. This is a major infraction, again no wilfull act on behalf of the sub but no extenuating circumstance arose to excuse it, she simply forgot. Again the Sir must remember that the sub is only human and everyone does make mistakes when he plans the fitting punishment. Under these circumstances a more appropriate punishment may include a sound spanking or loss some privileges as it is at the higher end of infractions.
Now that the punishment has been meted out and served, the Sir should always take the time to reaffirm his love and respect for his sub. Take a few moments after the punishment to reconnect with your sub and let her know you are proud of her for accepting her punishment and listen to her apology if given and always accept it graciously. Now here is the most single important thing a Sir must remember about punishment, once served by the sub the infraction is dead and can "never" be raised again against the sub! What would the purpose of punishment be if the infraction is always brought up again and again and thrown in the subs face, that just means you are continuing to punish the sub over and over. That is unjust and if a Sir should ever do that he needs to take some time and look at himself as he has failed miserably as a Sir and unless he changes his attitude he doesn't deserve to own a sub. A sir must always remember his responsibilities as a Sir when punishing a sub,he must be loving, caring, nurturing and respectful towards his sub even as he punishes her. I have heard some Sirs talk about how they are firm as a Sir and go on about how they verbally chastised the sub and cruelly punished her for minor infractions. All I can say to them is your a coward and a bully who hides behind the mask of a Sir to justify your real nature. They have no true concept of what a Sir is or what submission is all about.They display immaturity and I'm afraid they have screwed up many a good sub. I have seen empty shells that were suppose to be a sub, beaten down and robbed of their very life essence. I shed a tear whenever I see this as I have witnessed the death of a truly precious and beautiful gift to the D/s community, a sub and her submission. My word to any sub, never allow a Sir to degrade or take any part of you away, if he isn't a caring and nurturing Sir I suggest you get away as fast as you can. There are many Sir's out there looking for a sub who will make your life a wondrous thing, not a living hell and would cherish you with love and respect, which you deserve.


Punishment for blatant disregard for the rules

Now here things get tricky. What should a Sir do with a sub that blatantly disobeys an order given by the Sir. Well, before any punishment can even be considered the Sir has several things he must do first. Determine if he has done or not done something in regards to his sub that may have forced her to act out. He must also learn the real reasons why the sub acted in such a manner. The last thing he looks at is the sub herself after he has completely exhausted the two previous questions. A Sir knows by the very nature of a D/s relationship is that he is ultimately responsible for everything that occurs within the relationship. As they say, with great power comes great responsibility and those words reflect the true nature of being a Sir. A sub blatantly disobeying an order means there are some very serious problems in the relationship that need addressing.
When a Sir looks at himself he needs to ask these question and answer them truthfully:
1) Have I asked for something beyond what I can reasonably expect of my sub. Have I exceeded her limits?
2) What failure in her training by me has left her in a position that she feels unable to complete said task?
3) Have I fulfilled my responsibilities to my sub and is she acting out because I have failed to meet her needs?
4) Can what I have asked cause mental or physical harm to my sub?
5) Have I lived up to how I portrayed myself to my sub when we first met?
6) Has my orders placed my sub in a position to cause her humiliation or ridicule if she completed the task?
7) Were my orders clear and concise, not leaving it so open to interpretation so that the sub might have thought you meant something else that violated her limits?
8) Have I been respectful, nurturing, caring and loving as her Sir?
9) Have I allowed the relationship to become stale or stuck in a rut and stopped learning and exploring new things with my sub?
10) Have I truly been listening to what my sub has been trying to tell me when we talk?
Now after the Sir has answered all these questions and still finds no reason for the sub's behavior he needs to go to the next step. He needs to talk with his sub and "truly" listen to her reason for her actions, not debate them, just listen and hear. Once he has a very clear and accurate picture for the sub's reasons he needs to go back and with the new information go over the 10 questions again. Should after this the Sir can find no reasonable explanation for the sub's behaviour he needs to go to the next step.
The next step is to sit down and fully discuss without anger and an open mind what is the problem and what can be done to correct it. Maybe it is signaling the end of the relationship as they two grew apart and not closer together. The reasons are endless and I can't cover every aspect, but the need to see if there is a solution to the serious problems the relationship has is paramount. Unfortunately there is no punishment to solve these problems, they would only make matters worse. Hard work by both parties is needed to reconnect as Sir and sub if they both wish to save their relationship. So there is no punishment related to blatant disrespectful attitude of a sub as its a cry for help to save the relationship or that it needs to end.


Sir W

P.S. I wish to give credit to my wonderful part time sub minx, her help and guidance has allowed me to grow and become a respectful and caring Sir. Without her at my side I believe it would have taken years longer to get to this point I am at right now in my growth. Big hugs to my precious and beautiful "minx". Love Sir W