In response to badkitty's cousin's wife's situation: dang. I have a lot of Filipino relatives who got here through dubious means, lots more who got here through perfectly legit means, but no one I've ever known has had to go through something like that, and my heart goes out to them.

And, fuck yeah it takes a long time. I already was going to head over on a work visa and then lost the job, so that's 5 months down the drain, with another 6 - 8 ONCE we get the paperwork started (early next week, hopefully!). It's all such a heartache, but what's 8 months to the rest of my life? I appreciate everyone's advice, though of course I was particularly curious about people who are experienced with power-exchange/transferal relationships who have immigrated, just because it's such a specific situation that it's easy to feel "isolated" about it, and will not let strangers' internet advice ruin my life. I don't got much, a good head on my shoulders is about it. If your only advice is not to listen to advice on forums, I'll take that with as much salt as all the other thoughtful posts. Thank you kindly to you all.