For me my introduction into this lifestyle came with a very negative situation. I was kidnapped and forced to many bdsm things at a young age. I have spent many sessions in therapy with my therapist trying to wrap my hands around whether or not I only like bdsm for the simple fact that those things happened to me. I have not really come to a conclusion on that thought process, but I have stopped worrying about it so much. I find that I like bdsm because I like to please, and to keep my partner happy, I have stopped being concerned with how or why because i find as a victim it will sometimes eat you up inside if you try to focus on that. I look at what happened as what happened, and yes there is the possibility that it is the reason why all of this is an interest to me now, but I just go with what I like is what I like. Sometimes I have that fantasy where I relive what happened to me, but many times it does not end so well for me, I think that for me personally I love the deeper bond that comes from this lifestyle, and although I am not opposed to intense pain, I try to avoid it as it can sometimes bring back bad memories. I think every person is different in this situation, but I know that if you are trying to "relive" it you need to find a person you can read you and respond when you act negatively. I have had an instance where the person I was playing with was fully aware of my situation, we got to playing in that manner, and I started to have flash backs, and he did not stop, needless to say it was not a pleasant experience. I think that when playing rape when you have been rapped you just need to take it slow, and make sure your partner fully understands how you might react, and know when to stop.